


Deception (A Cop!Bucky AU)

by revengingbarnes



Series: Deception (A Cop!Bucky AU) [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Mob, Alternate Universe - Police, Cops, Drugs, F/M, Guns, Kinky sex, Money, Prison, Smut, Vaginal Sex, cop bucky, nypd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 07:17:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16908576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revengingbarnes/pseuds/revengingbarnes
Summary: When the FBI needs a young, bright officer to go undercover, James Barnes is the perfect choice. Ambitious, intelligent and well-trained, James is the most suitable candidate to pose as a young, clueless addition to the crew operating under the biggest mob boss in NYC. And James will do his best to take his empire down.Y/N Y/L/N got sucked into the life of drugs, guns and money a long time ago. And she knows she might never be able to leave. But then along comes a sharp but caring man with soft, blue eyes who makes her heart stop, and maybe her impossible desire might come true.





	1. Chapter 1

Glasses were clinking. Laughter and hooting filled your ears. You watched, leaning against the counter and smirking as Jake proposed a toast. He smiled at you when everyone chugged their drinks, gesturing at you to come join him. You shook your head and smiled, gesturing back for him to carry on. You didn’t have to use words. Jake and you knew each other like the back of each other’s hands. You only needed to give him a look for him to know exactly how you felt.

“Y/L/N.” You heard your name, turning your head to the side as a man in a perfectly tailored black suit walked over to you. You stood up straighter.

“Sir.” You greeted, watching Charles Darvey, your boss, lean against the counter next to you. He gestured to Jake.

“Someone has started celebrating.” He said, making you nod.

“You know how he is, Sir. He just needs an excuse to party.”

Darvey nodded, grinning. “This time I won’t stop him. This celebration is well deserved.” He turned his head to look at you. “Job well done, Y/L/N. Youngest person we have yet you’re killing every mission like you’ve been doing it for ages.”

You smiled, shrugging. “Just doing my job.”

Darvey nodded. “Well, I’m going to be heading out. But I have a new job for you that I wanted you to know about.”

You looked at him, raising an eyebrow in interest. “Really?”

He smiled. “This one’s easier. No active combat. A friend of mine in sending a newbie. I want you to take charge of him for the next few months. Show him the ropes. Analyze him. See if he’s good enough to stick around. Think you can do that?”

You nodded slowly. “Of course. But I don’t understand. Why would you give me a job with absolutely no outside task associated?”

Darvey downed the last of his drink, smirking. “He’s young. Around your age. And promising, apparently. I want only best of the best men. Who better to mentor him than the best man I have?” He smiled, giving you a specific look.

You let out a laugh, knowing he said ‘man’ because of how much gender discrimination irked you. From the minute you’d started working for Darvey, you had noticed the glaring lack of females in this business. And his men joked around about the fact that you were the only girl. It had taken a while and a lot of fights to shut them up, and one of the reasons Darvey still had you around was because of how gutsy you were. You hated being underestimated.

He gave you one last nod before turning and walking right out, four burly men following behind him. You took another sip from your bottle, thinking about all he’d told you. You were curious to meet this new dude. You wanted to see what he was made of. If you could shape him up for the boss.

Jake was telling the dramatic story of the afternoon’s mission to a group of drunk, cheering listeners, making it sound ten times cooler than it was, like he always did. You rolled your eyes when he described his fights in details you knew weren’t even possible for him to remember. He was laying it on thick like he always did. But you didn’t stop him.

Downing the last of your drink, you turned to leave as well. Whoever this newbie was going to be would have to wait. This mission had been too long and too grueling. You were completely exhausted.

Your car was unlocked when you got there, but you weren’t too affected by that. That always happened after missions. You reached into the dashboard on the passenger side and found what you had been expecting. A fat wad of money tucked into a brown paper bag. Your pay for the work you’d done. You sighed, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot, the music of the bar fading away as you did.

The house was dark, like it always was. You stayed as quiet as you could while closing the car door and climbing over the fence. You walked down the side, your movements automatic as you climbed to a particular window on the first floor. You had done this so many times that you didn’t even have to think about it.

The window was left open for you. As you dropped in, a lamp clicked on in the room. You saw big, bright eyes looking at you, before the face broke into a smile. Your sister threw her sheets off and ran over to where you stood, her one of her arms falling over your neck and the other holding the handle to her oxygen tank. You smiled and hugged her back, laying a kiss in her hair.

“I missed you.” Her voice was muffled, and you sighed.

“I did too, Ems. But you know I had to work.”

“Yeah yeah I know.” She replied, moving back to the bed. You followed after her, pulling out the brown envelope.

“Here.” You handed it to her, watching her gingerly take it. “This should be enough for the next month. And for those books you needed for school.”

She wasn’t surprised as she opened the bag. She didn’t asks questions about what kind of work got you so much money. She was used to you showing up and handing over tons of money. And she wasn’t an idiot. She knew it wasn’t anything legal. One time, she had asked you if you were a prostitute, making you choke on your own spit and shake your head vigorously no. It had been an interesting conversation, to say the last.

Now she nodded and lifted the corner of the mattress to place the bag under it.

“Make sure you get your meds. And make sure dad doesn’t even get a whiff of this. Or he’ll just want it for more booze.”

“I know how to do this by now, Y/N.” She replied, giving you a smile. The tube under her nose tugged up with the action.

Your sister had been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis a few months after she had been born. The same birth that had killed your mother. Your father had lapsed into drinking and smoking pot since then, and it had always been up to you to take care of both yourself and her.

It was why you had decided that working for a Mob boss was the only choice you had. You hadn’t graduated high school because your dad refused to pay for your education. This was the only job that would earn you enough money to make sure your sister made something of herself and wouldn’t end up like your worthless ass.

You tapped her little tank that she dragged around on wheels. You couldn’t help but smile at how she’d decorated it. She always kept adding little things to it.

“You want more of that?” You asked. She shook her head.

“I’m fine for now.”

You nodded and kissed her head, standing up. “You have my number.”

You didn’t have trouble getting out and away from the house. It was a routine round you make once a week unless you were on a job. It wasn’t anything new. You rested your head against the headrest once you were back in your car, closing your eyes. You had to take a deep breath in order to let the wave of nausea pass. You blinked your eyes rapidly to diffuse the tears before they even fell.

Starting the car again, you pulled onto the road, driving back to the warehouse where you lived.


	2. Chapter 2

There were at least three phones ringing in the precinct at that very moment. Chatter sounded throughout the space, papers made ruffling sounds as people flipped through them. Bucky could distinctly hear the sound of pouring coffee this early in the morning. The day had barely started and everything was already in full swing as officers from the night shift were replaced with the day shift. In one room, Bucky could hear a baby crying and a frantic mother trying to shush her. Clicking of boots sounded as uniformed officers moved around the floor.

Bucky ran his thumb over the engravings on his golden badge. His eyes scanned over the impressions, as if trying to memorize it. As of tomorrow, he wouldn’t see this badge everyday anymore. He had no idea when he would lay eyes on it next, if he ever would. His eyes flitted up to catch the light bouncing off the nameplate on his desk, the words ‘Officer James Barnes’ in big bold letters encrusted on it. He looked around his desk and smirked. There was no way he was cleaning it before he left. Steve would have to do it.

Speaking of, Bucky watched as Steve sauntered back over to where he sat, taking his place on the desk opposite to Bucky’s. He placed the file he had been holding on the table before opening it.

“You didn’t go home last night?” Bucky asked, gesturing to the clothes Steve had been wearing yesterday as well. Steve shook his head.

“No. I’ve been in interrogation for the murder case I was working on. I told you about it, remember?”

Bucky nodded.

“Well, the guy just confessed. So now I have to finish up this paperwork and hand the file in to the Captain. Then, I’m done.”

Bucky smiled a little. “I’m gonna miss this.”

Steve looked up and raised an eyebrow. “Miss what?”

Bucky sat up and gave him a teasing grin. “You working your ass off. Me secretly thinking how unhealthy it is but not saying anything because I know you won’t listen.”

Steve let out a laugh, shaking his head. “You’re not going away forever, Buck. It’s one assignment. Trust me, once you’ve busted the guy we’re looking for, you’ll be back here solving boring robbery and arson cases with me again.”

“If I make it out alive.”

Steve gave him a look. “You’re one of the best officers I know. There’s a reason the FBI asked for your help in such a high profile case. They know you can do this.”

“The main reason being I’m young and have only been out of the academy for a couple of years. Meaning if I die while I’m there, they aren’t losing someone valuable.” Bucky retorted.

Steve sighed and shook his head. “You don’t have to be so negative all the time, y'know?”

Bucky shrugged. “I can’t help it.”

Steve smiled a bit. He knew how new the situation was for Bucky. He had only a couple of years of police service under his belt. This undercover mission was a huge deal. Steve had reassured Bucky many times over the past few months as Bucky prepared for his undercover assignment. Not that any of his words made a difference, but Bucky appreciated the effort.

“So, when are they going to put out your death statement?”

Bucky sighed. “Two days from now.”

“And you’re going down under tomorrow?”

“Yup.”

Steve smiled a bit. “I’m gonna miss having you around here, Buck.”

Bucky smiled. “And I’ll miss you too. Whenever I’m not too busy pretending to be a criminal who works for a mafia boss.”

Steve didn’t reply, just smiling before he returned to his file. Bucky let his eyes scan the precinct floor once again, trying to take in every detail. From tomorrow on, he’d be a whole new person. His name would still be Bucky Barnes. But he would no longer be an officer in the NYPD. He would be the worker of one of the most notorious and unreachable drug lords in New York.

Damn.

…………………….

“I hope you know, Officer Barnes, just how high the stakes are at this point.” The voice was a monotonous as ever. “I don’t feel the need to go over the basic rules once again, I’m sure we’ve repeated them enough times for them to have completely absorbed into your brain. You have your back story straight?”

“Of course.” Bucky replied, not bothering to be enthusiastic. He stared at the headrest of the seat right in front of him, from where the voice was sounding. A woman next to him was ruffling through a bag which Bucky had side eyed before and concluded contained a shit ton of money. The windows were black. Not even tinted black,no. They were a solid black so he couldn’t see where they were going. Ahead of the chair in front of him, another black tinted window separated them from the driver, so Bucky couldn’t look out the windshield either. He stayed put, resorting to counting the time in his head. They had now been driving for one hour, and Bucky didn’t know how much longer. And he didn’t want to ask.

It turned out to not be much longer. Before he knew it, the limo was halting to a stop, a door opened and shut. Then, there was silence.

Bucky loosened his jaw when he realized he had been gritting his teeth, trying to relax and seem calm. This was it. This was what he had prepared himself for since last year. He was here, and he was going to do this.

What happened next seemed to happening in slow motion. The agent in front of him got out and opened the door for him. Bucky didn’t see much before a black blindfold obscured his vision completely. He blindly went along with the hand that gripped him. Strangely, his heartbeat calmed. It was now that Bucky was thankful for how thorough his FBI trainers had been, for he knew exactly what to anticipate. 36 steps. A stop. Exchanging of words. Handling of money. Silence. Fading footsteps. A new hand grabbed him. 54 steps. A car.

Bucky got into it smoothly, knowing how his actions were coming off. He knew he looked like he’d done this a million times before. Again, he felt grateful for his rigorous exercises beforehand. He was selling his loyalty with every step. These people were sharper than anyone gave them credit for. Bucky was being judged with every step that he took.

The car ride was exactly as long as he was told it would be. 21 minutes. Then, Bucky got out under the guidance of the same hand.

Bucky’s heart raced slightly. This was it. From this point onwards, it was just him. No pre-told directions. This was where his new life started. Whatever happened next, would determine how long Bucky stayed here. How long Bucky lived.

He was slowly guided up some steps by a much rougher hand than before. In his head, Bucky counted all the steps he took, all the turns and stops he made as he walked. How many doors opened and closed.

Finally, Bucky came to a stop. The silence of the room was almost deafening. Then, the blindfold was pulled away from his eyes.

……………….

You had been in Darvey’s office before. It wasn’t a new setting for you. You remembered it being the place you had first been dropped off at when you were just a newbie. It was when you had first met the boss. You were nineteen and still fairly innocent. You had no idea what you were getting into at that time. All you knew was your sister would die if you didn’t get her meds soon. Poverty and desperation forces people to make stupid decisions.

The second time you had been here was after your first mission. It had been a trainwreck. Almost all your intel on the operation had been wrong. And it wasn’t even minor errors. The entire schedule was way off. With you and three other people you had been partnered with, it had been a sudden burst of motivation and a quickly thought out plan that had gotten you four out of there without being busted by the cops. After the entire fiasco, you had been brought here. You were sure this was it and you would be fired. But instead, a fat brown envelope was dropped into your hand with a smirk of appreciation from the man in charge.

This was your third time here. It had been years since your last look at the place, and it all appeared new to you. He had probably had it refurnished. But you didn’t ask, nor did you care to know. You waited for what you were here for. Which was your next mission.

Twenty minutes later, two men walked into the office. One was a familiar face, who nodded at you in acknowledgement before turning to Darvey. His hand gripped the other man’s arm. The man was standing rigid, a black blindfold over his eyes. His brown hair was cut short, and he was dressed in jeans and a navy blue hoodie, both looking ragged. So this was Scott Finn.

When the blindfold was pulled off, it revealed wide blue eyes that blinked rapidly against the sudden light. You leaned against the wall silently, watching as the man- or boy, you didn’t know, he looked very young- finally got used to the light. His eyes fell on Darvey where he sat in the huge leather office chair. His gaze briefly flitted to you, blue eyes meeting your own. You recognized that look immediately, because it was the same look you yourself had worn when you walked into this office four years ago. You gritted your teeth, knowing if you had any say, you would tell this guy to turn around and run as fast as he could and as far away as he could. He was signing himself into a business he could never ever get out of alive.

“Finn.” Darvey spoke. “I’m Charles Darvey. I run things around here.” Huge understatement. “Everything you do and don’t do, ultimately gets reported back to me. I decide what your future at this place will be. Whether you’ll stay or not. But I’m a busy man. I don’t have time to babysit you.”

Darvey turned in his chair slightly to wave a hand towards you. You stood up straighter, taking a step forward.

“This is Y/N. One of my best. She will be overlooking and supervising your every move for the next few months. Don’t feel too special, everyone has a mentor. If you impress her, then you impress me. But if she smells something fishy….” Darvey shrugged, an action so loaded with meaning you couldn’t understand how this guy hadn’t wet himself by now. “You’re out of here. I hope you know what that means.”

You, for one, knew exactly what that meant. By the look that flitted in Finn’s eyes, he knew what it meant too.

Darvey moved to nod back at you, making you move around the desk and towards Finn. You gave your boss a final nod before grabbing the guy’s arm and pulling him out of the room, closing the door shut behind you.

“Don’t say a word until I tell you to.” You spoke. “And even then, speak carefully. You have no idea the kind of things that people get killed over around here.”


	3. Chapter 3

The man slept like a cat.

It had been almost five minutes since you had showed up in his room. It was a box-like space, the smallest room in the warehouse. All newbies stayed in small rooms isolated from the common room where everyone else slept. Except you. You were the only girl who had to live in a place filled with mostly old perverts so Darvey gave you your own room instead of the common room where everyone else slept. It was a modest little space that had been designed to serve as the warehouse owner’s office. But now, it was your room.

The newbie room was much smaller than your own. It couldn’t have been bigger than a small bathroom. The bed took up most of the space. Apart from that there was a chest of drawers pressed against one wall for the person to keep their clothes in. Arriving at exactly 5am, you stealthily swept the entire place for anything suspicious. Of course, you came up empty. You hadn’t expected to find anything. You just had to make sure that the man, Scott, hadn’t brought anything with him. It was standard procedure Darvey set for you that you had to follow.

You had dropped Scott off at the room yesterday, saying you’d come get him when you needed him. He didn’t question you, which was good. It meant he was smart. You still remembered how you had been, asking questions left and right rather obnoxiously. Your mentor, a guy named Zane, had finally had it with you about two days in, and threatened to rip your hair out if you opened your mouth again.

You watched with for a brief moment as he slept. It fascinated you how different he looked since yesterday. His face had smoothed out, the two little lines between his eyebrows gone. A strand of hair fell in his eyes, mouth slightly nudged open as he breathed. The look was open and honest, two states you hadn’t experienced in a long time.

You briefly wondered what you looked like as you slept. In your years of working in the midst of the dirtiest crimes, you had put up many many barriers to make sure you were immune to the work you did. You wondered if you would look even half as similar to how you used to look before all this in your sleep. It seemed like you’d never find out, though.

You nudged his arm slightly.

“Get up.” You said, loudly. The guy stirred but didn’t move. You nudged him again, this time a little harder.

He grunted, eyes blinking open. His gaze met yours, disoriented and still loaded with sleep. After a split second, he seemed to realize where he was, face pulling together and going blank. He sat up, groaning slightly. You smirked. You knew how hard the mattress was. His back was probably killing him right now.

“First full day at the worst job you will ever have, newbie.” You joked, turning around to open a drawer and ruffle through it. You pulled out a clean shirt and jeans, throwing it at him. “Buckle up.”

“My name is Scott.” He said.

“I don’t care.” You replied. “Get dressed. You have two minutes.”

You waited outside, leaning against the wall as you waited for the guy, Scott, to get ready. The warehouse was filled with talking and laughing, some men staring at you as they walked past. You recognized Jake’s face instantly, raising an eyebrow at him as he walked towards you. A smile automatically tugged your lips upward when you saw his characteristic grin. No matter what the situation, he always seemed to make you happy.

“Waiting to use the bathroom?” He asked. You gave him a look.

“This isn’t a bathroom, Jake.” You deadpanned. “It’s the newbie room.”

“Oh.” Jake let out, pulling a face. “I wouldn’t know. Never been in there.”

“Of course you haven’t.” You replied. Jake was Darvey’s nephew, so he never had to go through whatever training period everyone else had. Jake was what your circle called ‘privileged’. Darvey trusted him to no end, and with you being his best friend, you couldn’t help but feel guilty sometimes about how much you hated this job. How much you wanted to get out. This was just a job to you, but this was Jake’s life. He had been raised in this. He had been raised to have very loose morals. Most of the things that terrified you and you absolutely refused to do, Jake did every day.

The door clicked and opened, revealing Scott as he hesitantly stepped out. Both you and Jake looked at him for a second before Jake smiled back at you.

“Well, I’ll see you around.” He said, raising his hand. You high fived him and he walked away, shooting you one last grin. Scott stared at him for a bit before turning to you, opening his mouth. He closed it quickly though.

“It’s okay.” You reassured him. “You can ask questions now.”

“Who was that?” Scott gestured behind him.

“Jake Matthews. He’s pretty high up around here, so don’t try getting friendly with him unless he talks to you first.” You explained. Scott fell in step with you as you walked, staying silent for a few moments.

“So, uh, does everyone who work for the boss live here?”

You shook your head. “Not everyone. A lot of them have families and stuff, so they just stay at home. But some people who work for Darvey are those who sold themselves into the business quite early on. Most of them were homeless, and Darvey might be the biggest low key criminal in the city, but he’s not cruel to the people who work for him. This entire warehouse is for his workers who don’t have a roof over their head.”

Scott nodded slowly, as if taking in the information. He was silent for a while before he spoke again.

“Where are we going now?”

“There’s a shipment coming in at the docks.” You explained. “I’m not the labor, but I oversee some stuff, meet the seller. Since I have to train you for the actual dealing and not the labor, you’re coming with me. You’re going to stay silent and watch how I interact with these guys. You have to have a sharp tongue. These people don’t forget a single word that comes out of your mouth. A minor slip up and it can prove to be very harmful in the long run. Believe me, I learned that the hard way.”

Scott didn’t reply to you, but nodded in acknowledgement. You had a feeling already that he would settle in quite nicely. He seemed like the kind of guy who was aware of stuff like this. That thought unsettled you, the fact that Scott had experience meant he was already in this environment well before he got here.

“Where are you from, newbie?” You asked as you both slipped into your car.

“California.” He replied.

“Oh, you’re not local?” You glanced at him and you pulled onto the road.

“No. I’ve only been in New York for about three years.”

You nodded. “You must be something special. Everyone gets a mentor but they always start at the bottom of the barrel. I was told specifically to have you in relations and direct combat and not in labor.” You shook your head. “Even I had to unload shipments for a solid month before they gave me a good assignment.”

Scott let out a little laugh, shrugging.

“Who brought you here?”

Scott side-eyed you slightly. “I’m not allowed to say.”

You nodded, lips pursing. “Fair enough. Most people here are shady anyway.”

The ride was silent for a few minutes before Scott spoke again.

“Why do you refer to everyone here as if you’re not a part of them?”

You blinked at his question, taken aback. You hadn’t ever noticed that was the way you spoke until now that he had pointed it out. And he was right. You did talk like you weren’t in the midst of all this. Like you didn’t act exactly like everyone here. When referring to how things worked, you never once said ‘we’. You always said ‘them’.

Maybe you wanted to detach yourself from all you were doing as much as possible while still doing it. Maybe you wanted to convince yourself that you weren’t as much of a criminal as every single person here.

You cleared your throat, pulling your car to a stop.

“We’re here.” You pushed the car door open, pausing to look back at Scott. “I’m saying it again. Don’t utter a word. They ask you a question, you remain silent. I’ll handle it. You just watch and learn.”

Scott nodded, following you out of the car and walking to the docks in the distance.

After a quick scan, you concluded that the people you were looking for weren’t here yet. So you pushed yourself up until you were sitting on a large crate, gesturing for Scott to do the same. He followed suit as you looked on at the men there, nodding to a few that you recognized.

Scott was silent for a few moments as he took in the work the men in front of you were doing. You watched him closely, taking in his profile. You realized just how clean cut he was. His hair wasn’t short, but not exactly long, strands slicked back from his face. He looked like he had shaved a few days ago, the slightest hint of a stubble crossing his jawline. His jaw ticked as he gritted his teeth, an action that only accentuated his sharp, handsome features.

You had to admit, he was a looker.

“So where exactly do you fit in? In this entire chain of workers, I mean.”

You cleared your throat. The waves crashed and overlapped each other in front of you. To your right, men were shouting instructions and unloading truckloads of heroin.

“I do a lot of things.” You replied, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “I’m the eyes and ears of an operation. Sometimes the hands too. I’m good at fighting. But I haven’t killed anyone yet. I’ve gotten close, but I haven’t done it. It’s one line I won’t let myself cross.”

You knew just how vague your answer was, and that Scott didn’t quite get what you did.

“Then thing is, newbie,” you continued. “When Darvey sees someone who’s good at multiple things, why would he confine them to one job? I’m a sweet talker. I have good relations and resources with most of the out-of-state suppliers. I’m kind of keeping things going at this side.” You gestured at the men. “I can also kick some serious ass. Both these things make me great for interrogations.” You gave him a look, hoping he understood that these weren’t the legal kind of interrogations and involved some serious blood bath.

You jumped off the crate, dusting yourself off. “Point is, I’ll do whatever Darvey asks me to do if it gets me enough money. And he’ll ask me to do whatever he thinks I’m capable of doing. Saves a lot of manpower. Why do you think he’s as successful as he is?” You gestured for him to follow you. “Now come on, enough questions. We have work to do.”

……………………

With jobs like this one, it was either an intense task that went on for days, or it was no task at all. Today was one of the latter days.

You woke up that morning knowing that you had absolutely nothing to do. Pursing your lips, you thought about what to do with Scott today. You still had to keep him engaged, even if you didn’t have a job to do. Pulling your hair back into a bun as you got ready, you decided this was the perfect opportunity to test just how good at combat he was.

He was awake by the time you got to his room. He had been here for about two weeks now, and he was still in that room. You knew he’d stay there until you gave the all clear to Darvey about him joining the mob. You gave him a half smile when you reached his door. He was leaning against the doorframe, waiting for you. He returned your smile with one of his own. His eyes were a soft blue, edging towards grey in the dim light.

“It’s 9am.” He said. “I’m guessing you slept in because you don’t have a job today.”

You nodded. “You guessed right, newbie.” You gestured for him to walk with you and he obeyed, falling in step with you.

“Today, we’re going to do something fun.”

When he didn’t reply, you looked at him, raising your eyebrows. He shrugged.

“I really don’t know what your definition of fun is.”

You snorted. “Fair enough. It’s beating the shit out of each other.” You grinned teasingly at him. “Fun, right?”

Scott huffed out a laugh as you unlocked your car. You were surprised he didn’t have a comeback as you two slid into your seats, starting the car. You had grown to enjoy Scott’s company. He was much more tame than your last partner, Jake, who was so hyper you were sure half of what he did everyday was under the control of adrenaline rush. Scott was calmer, yet witty. He had a certain authority in his step, yet sometimes he was so uncertain it reminded you of a deer caught in headlights. He either knew something to its very core, or he knew nothing at all.

Darvey’s gun range, illegally built of course, was not far from the warehouse. It was a small, one storey building, well equipped with a big variety of long and short range guns. There were rooms for shooting, sparring, boxing, and the like. On the outside, it was like any other building. But the amount of weapons in that place, if discovered, would scare off anyone in a two mile radius.

“How good are you with guns?” You asked Scott as you unlocked the door to the building. The lock had started getting rusty. Not many people used the building, since it usually just acted as an arsenal. One of many around the city under Darvey’s name.

Scott shrugged, looking around the space as you turned on the lights. “I’m decent.”

You picked up a simple revolver from a shelf, checking to see if it had bullets before walking back to where he stood. You handed him the gun as well as noise canceling headphones. You both slipped them on.

“Show me.” You said, gesturing to the range. Scott stepped up to the line, eyeing the target for a brief moment before raising the gun. You assessed his stance, impressed by the textbook accurate way he held himself. He let off two shots, one hitting the dummy head and the other burying itself into its chest. You gave him an impressed look, nodding when Scott turned around. You pulled the headphones off.

“No use practicing shooting, then. You’re a pro at this.” You wondered for a brief second where Scott had learned to use a gun that well. You hadn’t known how to use guns when you got here. Zane had taught you and you practiced till you had perfected it. Mastering a skill meant more jobs from Darvey. More jobs meant more money.

“My old boss taught me.” Scott explained, as if reading your thoughts. You both proceeded to walk into the next room, floors covered in sparring mats. You bent down to take off your shoes, listening to Bucky talk and do the same.

“He was one of the best people I’ve seen working with a gun. No exaggeration, he sometimes didn’t even have to look to hit on target.”

You snorted, before gesturing towards the mat. “Ready to have your ass beat?”

Scott smirked a bit, giving you a look. “Haven’t you underestimated me enough for today?”

You laughed and stepped onto the mat, turning to him and walking a few steps backward. You shrugged your jacket off and let it fall on the ground a little away from you. “Hit me with your best shot, Finn.”

And so he did. Scott initiated the fight with a powerful punch, one you dodged. It was a relatively even battle, both of you giving and receiving bruises. About ten minutes later, you stepped back, breathing hard. You were too tired to go any farther. So you decided to end it.

It one smooth sweep, you kicked Scott’s legs out from under him, immediately climbing on top of him so he wouldn’t be able to regain his bearings. He groaned when you slammed his hands down on the floor beside him.

He laughed. “Were you just humoring me?” He let out, trying to catch his breath. “Were you waiting for me to tire out just so you could do that?”

You gave him a grin. “Maybe I was.”

You stilled, realizing your current predicament. You were straddling his waist, his hands held on either side of his head by your own. Both of you were sweaty and breathing hard. You felt your face flush as his eyes met yours, chest rising and falling rapidly. His pupils were blown, lips parted as he stared at you. At your close proximity, you watched his eyes dart down towards your lips.

Clearing your throat, you let go of his hands, standing up and off him. You walked over to the bench where towels were stacked up, grabbing one to wipe off your sweat.

“You’re a good fighter.” You spoke, trying to clear the tension in the air and keep your voice even. You wished the tension wasn’t sexual, but after the position you two had just been in, there was no doubt it was.

Scott grunted as he sat up, rubbing his head where it had hit the ground.

“Thanks.”

You nodded. “I’ll get us some water.” You didn’t turn to look at him, just swiftly walked out of the room towards a smaller one with a functioning refrigerator.

You didn’t know why that fight had made Scott more attractive all of a sudden. You had fought a lot of people before. It had never been like that. You squeezed your eyes shut for a second, shaking your head. This was insane. You couldn’t get close to him. It was…. there wasn’t one reason saying it was wrong. There were millions. You didn’t want to get into it, so you sucked in a breath, grabbed two water bottles and headed back to the sparring room.

You had to squash these thoughts before they even started brewing in your head.


	4. Chapter 4

Things here were confusing.

On one hand, they were a lot like what Bucky had expected. On the other, some things completely threw him off guard. The most important being his  _mentor_.

Two weeks into Bucky’s mission, and she was just as much of a mystery as she had been the first day. From everything Bucky had seen and heard so far, she was loyal to Darvey and his empire. On the other hand, sometimes her words came off sharp and filled with disdain. Like she didn’t want to be there. And maybe she didn’t. It was clear that she needed the money, and Bucky knew for a fact that those who Darvey took under his wing could never, ever leave. The only thing that left was their caskets after their death. Y/N was bound for life, and maybe she regretted it now.

His mind kept going back to when they had sparred, about a week ago. He couldn’t help but replay it over and over in his head. His brief moment of weakness when he’d almost leaned up and kissed her. To this day it made him angry. He couldn’t believe he’d almost done that. So what if she was attractive? Big deal. He was here on a mission. He couldn’t lose focus like this and jeopardize a position the FBI had fought so hard to obtain. And he definitely shouldn’t think about how she’d rushed out of the room right after that little incident.

Bucky didn’t know what to make of his assumptions about her, though. So he ignored them and focused on what he was here for.

Apart from the girl, the place was more or less livable. Everything seemed to have a system, and from the mental picture Bucky had constructed so far, all the men operated under a weekly schedule. Jake Matthews was in charge of the residents of this warehouse, and from what Bucky’s ears had picked up so far, there were at least three more around the city. Maybe one in Manhattan. One in Queens. He couldn’t be sure, though.

Up until now, no one from the FBI had made contact with him, but Bucky didn’t expect them to do so this early, anyway. He didn’t know how they would talk to him. All he had been told was that it would be different every time, and he had no concern with it. He was to continue going about his new life, collecting information until the contact was made. And he was doing just that.

When Bucky had first joined the force a couple of years ago, he had heard many stories about undercover cops. The most common being that many remained undercover for so long that they forgot who they were. Up until now, that hadn’t made sense to Bucky. How could someone lose their sanity to a point that they forgot themselves? But the more he stayed here, pretending to be someone he wasn’t, the more he could understand why cops felt that way. He could see himself losing his mind as well, if he stayed here for more than a few years. And that scared him.

He didn’t know how long this mission would take. The FBI hadn’t defined the period. Anyone else would have been hesitant to take this job. But as a young man, a new cop, full of ambition and ready to make a difference, he hadn’t thought about it too deep. Young and inexperienced cops didn’t really get opportunities like this. He was the brightest in his batch. They needed someone young and Bucky was the best choice. And he didn’t mind that at all. This would be a huge boost in his career and he wanted to serve. That was all he had in mind. And it was too late to back out. Bucky had to see this to the end. And he would, no matter how long that would take him.

Today started just like any other day. Y/N woke him up and told him to get dressed, throwing a breakfast bar, an apple and a bottle of water on his bed; his everyday breakfast. Still blinking sleep from his eyes, Bucky walked out of his room while chewing on the bar to see her leaning against the wall, phone pressed to her ear. She gestured for him to follow her as she started walking, still talking into the phone.

“Just send me the location.” She was saying. “And the time they’ll be there.”

She talked on the phone some more before hanging up. She glanced at him as they exited the building.

“There’s a small shipment coming in for a new drug Darvey wants to introduce to the streets.” She explained. “I have to pick up just a small sample. But it’s very valuable, and the people who are selling it are super shady. You up for it?”

Bucky swallowed his bite. “Do I have a choice?” He joked.

Y/N grinned. “I’m afraid not.”

They both exchanged a smile, Y/N unlocking her car and they climbed in.

The place wasn’t far from the warehouse, but it was an area Bucky wasn’t familiar with. He remembered hearing about it when growing up as one of the ‘shadier places’ in the city that you always had to steer clear of, so he had never been here. The car stopped in the parking lot of an abandoned building that looked like it had come straight out of a horror movie. Bucky raised an eyebrow at Y/N when she turned the engine off, making her shrug.

“Get used to it.” She sighed, settling back into her seat. “They’ll be here any minute.”

Any minute turned out to be 45, as they waited for someone to come by. Bucky noticed Y/N’s eyes flit over the surroundings, catching on anything that moved. He couldn’t help but think what Y/N would be like as an officer, maybe even a detective. She would be incredible. She was smart, quick, and picked up clues no normal person could. She had skin as hard as steel, and the strength of no one Bucky had ever known. Had she not been a criminal, Bucky would have admired her. Not that he didn’t already. He didn’t know why he had believed everyone working for the mob was a bitch, because she wasn’t. She was actually extremely nice, and very good at whatever Darvey threw at her. Bucky was certain that she would absolutely kill her job in law enforcement. Unfortunately, she was on the opposite side of the tunnel. And probably would be for the rest of her life.

Finally, 45 minutes later, a cab sputtered into the parking lot. It looked ancient, covered in dust and grime, it’s colour faded to an ugly yellow. One of the backseat windows had been shattered, some shards still attached to the edges. Bucky’s sharp eye immediately caught the red spot on the bumper, along with the dent next to it. His jaw clenched, mind theorizing how that might have gotten there.

He was snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Y/N opening her car door, making him follow suit. The man that got out of the cab was tall, wearing a hoodie that concealed his hair and most of his appearance. There was a smirk on his face and a gun in his hand. Bucky tensed, reaching for his own when Y/N held a hand out to stop him.

“Here.” The man called, holding up a small vial of a yellow liquid. “You’re Darvey’s girl, right?”

Bucky felt Y/N tense up next to him, eyes darting towards her to see her face set like stone. That was a poor choice of words. He could tell the words made her very angry. But she kept her mouth shut. She stepped forward, snatching the vial from his hand. She didn’t reply to him, but he seemed to have understood that his words hit a nerve, his smirk widening.

The way he leisurely strolled back to his car instead of hurrying it up should have rung warning bells in Bucky’s head. But looking back at it later, he knew that he could have done nothing in the short amount of time they had before disaster struck.

What happened next was a blur as car upon car pulled into the parking lot, tyres screeching and people shouting in a tone so distinct and so familiar, Bucky immediately recognized it.

The NYPD was here.

Y/N was pushing at him, causing him to immediately turn and run to her car. He had barely closed the door when Y/N had already floored the gas, making the car lurch as it speeded out of the parking lot. Bucky gasped for breath, adrenaline pumping as he tried to straighten up, making Y/N push him back down.

“Not yet!” She screamed, making Bucky realize that shots were being fired, the back window already shattered. The noise hadn’t registered in the hassle. He stayed crouched low, ears picking up the car horns blaring and tyres screeching as the car speeded through the traffic. He could hear Y/N cursing over and over, not slowing down.

It was a good ten minutes later when the car finally slowed down, going over bumps and jolts before coming to a halt. Bucky finally sat up straight, breaths coming heavy, looking around. The car had pulled off the road into overgrown vegetation. Other than that, Bucky couldn’t make out anything else.

He turned to Y/N watching as she groaned and felt her ear, fingers coming back bloody.

“You okay?” Bucky reached out by instinct, stopping halfway before touching her.

She nodded. “Yeah, bullet grazed me. I’ll be fine.”

It was silent for a few moments.

“So, now what?” Bucky spoke up, making Y/N sigh.

“I don’t know.” She pulled her phone out, furiously pushing a few buttons before holding it to her opposite, unharmed ear. She pushed the door open when some difficulty, stepping out of the vehicle as she started talking. Bucky sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head back on his seat.

Bucky hadn’t been on the force for long. This was the first time he had come so close to a shoot out. And he had never, ever been on the receiving end of it. As the adrenaline wore off, Bucky realized how close to death he had gotten. He knew chances of him dying had been great. But for some reason, that did phase him. Almost everyone in his life already thought he was dead, except Steve. Maybe it wouldn’t have made that big a difference.

Y/N plopped heavily down in her seat again, rubbing her temples.

“What is it?”

“Well, we have to hide.” She began. “There’s no way they didn’t see our faces. They’ll be on the lookout. Jake says he’ll handle the heat, but we need to disappear for a while. Darvey has a safe house outside the city. That’s where we’re heading.”

Bucky nodded slowly, knowing his face being spotted wasn’t a big deal. The FBI would deal with it. Y/N’s face though…

Y/N wasn’t starting the car. Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What is it?”

Y/N shook her head quickly, reaching across the gearshift to open the dashboard. Bucky watched as she rummaged around the brown envelopes there, opening them one by one and placing all the money they contained into one bag.

“What’re you doing?” Bucky couldn’t help but ask.

Y/N placed the now fat brown bag of money on her lap before starting the car.

“I don’t know how long we’ll have to hide.” She said. “There’s something I have to do before I disappear.”

She hesitated as she pulled onto the road, glancing at him again and again. Something about her uncertainty threw Bucky off. He felt the sudden urge to prove that he was trustworthy. He didn’t know why he wanted her to think so. He didn’t know why he wanted to be someone she could count on.

It suddenly occurred to Bucky that he was the only person besides Jake that Y/N would talk to during the day. She steered clear of everyone else. Never once had he seen her make conversation with any other man. It was a hard thing to observe because she would often be very vocal and animated as she talked. She was funny, witty and sassy. But now, when the realization had dawned on him, his chest squeezed slightly when he realized Y/N was more lonely than she ever let on.

“It’s okay.” He spoke. “It’s between us.”

She stayed silent at his words for a moment. Then she responded by nodding. Her throat moved as she swallowed hard. Bucky could see, in the afternoon sun, the thin film of wetness coating her eyes. It startled him. Bucky had never taken Y/N to be an emotional person. But the more he thought about it, the more he understood. She was human after all. They were just about to go underground. This was going to affect someone she cared about, and that ultimately affected her.

The neighborhood to which Y/N drove was quite a nice part of Brooklyn. It was a weekday, so almost no one was out on the street. She parked the car under an overhanging tree before shutting it off.

“I’ll be right back. Stay here and keep an eye out.”

Bucky nodded as she exited the vehicle, watching her climb over a white fence. He saw her as she climbed to a window on the second floor before disappearing inside.

Bucky had figured as much when Y/N had a semi meltdown on her way here. This had to be her family’s home. Or maybe a relative, or a close friend. Definitely someone who meant a lot. She was giving them the money. No one they worked with knew about her family, hence why she didn’t want to bring him here either. This made her vulnerable to him. And he knew her enough to know how much she would hate that fact.

All of this Bucky had deciphered from one look she threw his way.

This was why Y/N needed the money. Whoever was in there was the reason she worked for Darvey.

Bucky knew that many people who worked for druglords like Darvey did it because they had starving family to take care of. Y/N being one of them made Bucky feel…. strangely sad. Worried.

Five minutes later Y/N had climbed over the fence again, getting into the car next to him.

“You were never here.” She said, not turning to look at him. Bucky could hear the tremble in her voice.

Bucky was sure it was supposed to be a warning, or a threat. But he could see the fear in her eyes, and the plea that he never use this against her. This was a big deal for her. If she had had a choice, this would never have happened. She was begging him to forget that she had brought him to this place.

“I was never here.” He repeated.


	5. Chapter 5

The safehouse turned out to be a cabin in the Pine Barrens, New Jersey. It was a quaint area, and no one was there when you and Scott arrived. It was nearing 10 at night when your car came to a stop in the driveway. The cabin was a small, one storey but pristine looking wooden building, some ivy creeping up its walls but complementing it well. The key to the door was hidden exactly where Jake told you it would be. Quietly, you let yourself and Scott into the cabin, shutting the door behind you before clicking on the lights.

The place was comfy and gave off a warm vibe, large sprawling carpets and thick drapes hanging from the walls. There were two bedrooms, a common bathroom and a kitchen built into one corner of the living room. There was even a fireplace, the basket next to it stacked with logs to build a fire. It seemed like a dream house, and had you not been here in the circumstances that you were, you might have admired it, maybe even enjoyed it.

You flopped down onto a couch in the middle of the living room, closing your eyes and trying to breath easy. According to your guess, you would be here at least a month, maybe two. Your mind drifted back to your home, your sister who had probably got the money and the note you’d left for her. You wouldn’t see her for a month, maybe more, and that scared the crap out of you. You knew she had enough money to get by, she would be fine, but it was second nature to worry about her now. She was the only thing in your life that mattered anymore.

“You okay?” Scott’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You lifted your head to look at him, sighing and shaking your head.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You replied, sitting up when he took a seat next to you.

“You don’t have to lie to me. Just say that it’s none of my business.”

You let out a little laugh, shrugging. You couldn’t bring yourself to reply immediately, knowing you might cry if you did. Taking a breath, you waited for the feeling to pass.

“I know how hard it is to leave someone you care about behind, not knowing when you’ll see them again.  _If_ you’ll see them again.”

You looked at Scott, surprised by his words. This was the first time he had told you anything remotely personal about him. He was a very private person. Up until now, all you knew was that he was from California, his name was Scott, and that he was apparently very good with guns. That was it.

“Did you leave someone behind as well?” You asked, not knowing if he would answer you.

He smiled, shrugging. “Not really. Had to completely uproot my life, though. It was like letting go of everything I used to be.”

You stared at him, taking in his expression.

“You mean, life in California?”

Scott nodded. “Yeah.”

There was a small silence, in which you let yourself gather your thoughts. You turned your head to look at Scott, taking in the slope of his nose, pink lips and pale, blue eyes. It occurred to you once more just how handsome he actually was. It seemed like that fact was being thrown in your face more often these days. He seemed to be lost in his own head.

“Do you have family, Scott?” You asked suddenly.

He turned to you, seemingly caught off guard with the question before nodding his head. “Yeah, sisters.”

His willingness to answer your question spurred you on. “Are you close to them?”

Scott half-smiled, turning his body on the couch to look at you easier. “Yeah, I guess. I’m an only brother, and they’re all older, so they love doting on me.”

You smiled at that. The thought of Scott being spoiled by sisters was a pleasant one.

“I have a sister too.” You blurted out. At this point, you didn’t care. You wanted someone to know about her. You wanted to say it out loud. You spent too much time just mulling the thought over in your head.

“Is she the one you went to see today?” Scott asked.

You nodded slightly. Scott’s eyes were soft, holding no judgement and no hostility. The only thing you saw was warm understanding.

“She was at school. I just went to drop the money off.” You explained. “Her name is Emma. She has cystic fibrosis, so she needs the money for meds and stuff. And books. She’s a total bookworm. And she’s so smart. There’s a good chance she’ll get a scholarship to college.” You stopped, suddenly aware that you had been rambling. “I’m sorry.” You said quickly. “I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay.” Scott interrupted. “When was the last time you talked to someone about her?”

You felt a fresh wave of tears wash over you, blinking rapidly so they wouldn’t fall. Again, you felt the same claw hand grip your heart, chest feeling constricted. Trapped. Hopeless. It was a familiar feeling now. You shook your head.

Scott stirred slightly, moving closer to you. He didn’t touch you, cautious of your boundaries. But that reduction in space between your bodies, and the warmth that seemed to be rolling off him, gave you a sense of comfort without getting weird. You smiled a bit.

“Tell me about her.” He said, giving you a smile. You watched him for a moment, taking in his expression. He was being genuine. He really wanted to hear.

So you started talking, telling him more about your sister. Once you started, however, it was like a dam broke. You found yourself talking about how you grew up, your mother’s passing and your sister’s birth. You told him about the downward spiral your life took. Your chest felt like it was about to explode, words tumbling out of your mouth in rapidity. You told him everything up until the point you turned eighteen and decided you needed to do something.

“I wasn’t going to let my sister waste away her life like me.” Your voice cracked. “I had to get money if she was going to stay in school. And my dad would rather die than pay for her to study. I was desperate. I ran into one of Darvey’s men, saying I would do anything for money. He set me up with some drugs. I sold them in record time. The more money I got the more the possibilities opened up.”

You looked up at him through tear-filled eyes. You didn’t know why you wanted him to understand so badly. Like his opinion of you mattered.

“I kept thinking about the amazing life I could give my sister with this money. I kept doing more and more work for them, until they took me straight to Darvey. That was when I officially joined him. That was when I signed my life away.”

You sniffled a bit, letting out a laugh. “I didn’t know what I was getting into. I just thought it was a temporary way to get money to make sure my sister didn’t die of her illness. And now I’m stuck here, doing unspeakable illegal things, unable to say no unless I want to have a bullet put through my head.”

You looked up suddenly, wiping your eyes. “I’m sorry. I unloaded all of this on you. It’s pathetic.”

Scott shook his head. “No, it’s not. It’s okay. I’m sure you’re not the only one who hates her job. I don’t like this job either, as a matter of fact.”

You raised your eyebrows. “You don’t?”

He leaned back, shrugging. “I’m like you, I need the money. Plus, my old boss thought it would be a great idea if I worked for Darvey.”

“So you got traded?”

He nodded.

There was a small silence in which both you and Scott sat opposite each other on the couch, watching each other. Your eyes moved over his face to take in his features. His hair was already growing out more than before, a stubble visible on his jaw. Closing your eyes briefly, you looked up at the clock above the fireplace.

“It’s very late.” You stated. “You have to be tired. We’ve had quite the day.”

Scott smiled, standing up. “We should head to bed. Are you going to be okay?” You nodded, smiling at him. You didn’t know if he cared or if he was just being polite. But the thought of someone caring, even if it was fake, was a comfort for your starved heart. You let yourself believe his feelings were genuine.

You watched him walk over to one of the two rooms, turning to you before he disappeared inside. “Goodnight.”

You smiled, leaning your head against the back of the couch. “Night.”

The door shut softly behind him as he left. You sighed, closing your eyes, feeling them burn because of the excessive effort you had been making to hold tears back. Your shoulders felt lighter now, even if the claw still held a tight grip on your heart. Somehow, having someone who sympathized with you made you feel like you weren’t as alone in all of this as you originally thought you were.

……………….

Your eyes popped open at the ass crack of dawn the next day. Groaning at having woken up so early, you tried to turn over and go back to sleep, but it didn’t work. Pursing your lips, you finally decided to throw your sheets off and stumble out of your room in an oversized man’s tee you’d found in the wardrobe of your room, and sweatpants that were two sizes too big on you.

You were surprised to see Scott already up, sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter and munching on some cereal. He looked up when he saw you walk out of your room, snorting.

“Good morning.” He said, swallowing the bite in his mouth before shoving another spoonful in. You narrowed your eyes at the smile he was trying to hide.

“What?” You asked, walking to the kitchen to grab a bowl for yourself as well.

“Ah… nothing.” He replied, this time not bothering to hide the amusement on his face.

“Tell me.” You insisted, taking a seat next to him.

He glanced at you, pointing towards your head. “Just…. didn’t know your head was a residence for birds.”

Your hands shot up, feeling your hair as it stuck out in a million different directions. You groaned and ran your hands over it, trying to tame it. Scott was still smiling, draining his bowl before standing up to wash it.

You grumpily poured cereal and milk into the bowl, much more awake now.

“We’re basically living together now. Get used to it.” You said before you began eating.

“I call dibs on the shower.” He called, walking towards the common bathroom.

“Don’t use all the hot water!” You shouted after him, hearing him reply but not being able to make out his words.

You sighed and placed your spoon in your bowl, holding your head in your hands. It was strange, how your dynamic with Scott had changed since last night’s conversation. He wasn’t exactly a stranger to you before this, you two had always had friendly banter. But there was something softer about it now. You didn’t know what to make of this. And you especially didn’t know what to make of the way your heart jumped when he smiled at you this morning.

For a moment, you let yourself imagine if you and Scott did get…. close. Intimately close. It would be a dangerous road you two would be going down on. Not to mention he probably didn’t even think of you that way. But somehow, the idea didn’t seem too wrong. It didn’t gross you out like the thought of you and Jake did. You and any other partner you had worked with, in fact. But Scott, he felt different.

You could hear the water running in the shower, and if you listened closely, you could hear just a hint of humming coming from the bathroom too. And that shouldn’t have made you smile so much, but it did. And that smile should have scared you. But it didn’t.


	6. Chapter 6

Your phone was buzzing from somewhere in your room, but you were too lazy to get it. Scott looked towards your room, a log in his hand from where he was building a fire, before looking at you. You pointedly didn’t meet his gaze, staring intensely at your book. **  
**

“Aren’t you going to get that?”

You sighed, knowing you would have to. It was probably Jake, calling to check in on you once a day. And to update you on the situation outside. Reluctantly, you got up and sauntered over to your room, picking up the phone and staring at Jake’s name on the screen.

You didn’t want to pick up his call, because you didn’t want reality to wash over you again. Staying in this little cabin with Scott felt like a dream, a break from the suffocation in which you normally lived. Answering this call would mean the mob still existed, that you were still trapped in that god awful world, and would be for the rest of your days. It would burst the little bubble you had constructed for yourself.

Not answering would also mean that Jake would drive all the way to New Jersey to check if you were okay. And you wanted that even lesser than how much you wanted to take this call. So taking a deep breath, you raised the phone to your ear.

“Hello?”

There was a clicking sound at the other end. “Where the hell were you?”

You sat down on the bed, eyes rolling. “Sorry, the phone was in my room and I didn’t hear it at first.”

“Keep it with you at all times.” Jake said, voice still sounding annoyed. For some reason, that annoyed you too. It shouldn’t have. Jake wasn’t the reason you felt so miserable. But you couldn’t help the way you felt.

“So what’s up?” You asked.

You could hear shuffling on the other end. “Well, nothing has changed much. I’ve talked to a couple of people, but they haven’t gotten back to me yet.”

“Talked about what, exactly?” You asked leaning your weight on one hand.

“About closing this case. There’s people on the inside that are working on it. But it’ll take some time. Two or three weeks.”

Your heart sank, mind going straight to Emma.  _Three more weeks?_  It was too long without seeing her. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” You heard him sigh. “I’m really sorry, Y/N. I’m trying my best.”

You smiled a bit, even though it was sad. “It’s okay, Jakey. It’s not your fault. Thanks for doing this.”

You could practically hear Jake’s characteristic, huge smile. “Hey, don’t thank me. You’re one of us. I’ll do anything to help you.”

The statement felt more like a slap in the face than the comfort that Jake intended. You gritted your teeth, trying to hold back at least twenty cutting response to his words.

_You’re one of us._

“I have to go. I don’t think it’s safe to stay on the phone for long.” You said instead.

“Yeah, you have a point.” Jake replied. “I’ll call tomorrow. Oh, and keep the phone with you!”

“Yeah.” You breathed out, hanging up. Running a hand through your hair, you dropped your phone on the bed, walking out of the room.

“Was it Jake?” Scott asked. He had a roaring fire going in the fireplace, and he stood before it, hands held out. You nodded, moving to the couch and dropping your head in your hands.

You heard shuffling and then Scott spoke again, voice closer. “What’s wrong? What did he say?”

You shook your head, looking up at him. He was completely facing you now. Concern was etched onto his face, and just for a moment, your heart squeezed at the thought that he was worried about you.

“Everything’s fine. We’re still safe.” You replied.

“But he did say something.” Scott added. It was more of a statement than a question.

You felt tears come, making you angry. This was pathetic. You cried way too often and it was absolutely not okay to cry so much in front of someone you liked.

Yup, that’s right. You liked Scott. As more than a friend.

“He said I was one of them, so he was going to help me however he could.” Your voice was slightly higher than usual with the effort to hold back tears. “And I know that’s really sweet and all, but it just made me feel like I would never be able to get out of this job.”

Scott leaned down on the floor before you, placing his hands on the couch on either side on your legs.

“But Y/N, you  _are_ stuck.” He said, voice soft. “We both are.”

You nodded, squeezing your eyes shut for an instant and taking a deep breath. You opened them and looked at Scott, who was still leaning before you.

“I know.” You breathed out. “And that thought terrifies me. I’m just-” You hunched slightly, wishing you could disappear. “I would do anything to get out.”

There was a small silence, in which both you and Scott looked at each other. His hair was slightly messed up, a strand catching on his eyelashes. His blue eyes were clear as crystal, darting over your face. He parted his lips, as if thinking about what he was going to say. Your words weighed a lot, now that you thought about it. It meant you would be disloyal to Darvey if it ensured it would get you out, and for one moment, you felt fear grip you. Would Scott spill this in front of Darvey? Would he rat you out? You were about to take your words back when he spoke up.

“I would too.” He whispered, looking up at you. Your heart skipped a beat. Silence followed his words, the only sound being the crackling of wood in the fireplace. You couldn’t believe it. Scott had just responded to your willingness to betray Darvey with his own. You stared at him, his eyes open and honest, his face holding so much emotion, you couldn’t help yourself. Leaning down, you pressed your lips to his.

You cupped his jaw with both hands, feeling him kiss back almost instantly. You tilted your head, feeling Scott stand up, placing a knee on the couch. He guided you to sit back on the couch, lips never once leaving yours as he sat next to you. His hands gripped your hips, pulling you towards him.

You broke the kiss for a split second, throwing a leg over Scott’s lap so you were straddling him. Then, your lips collided with his again.

His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer so your bodies were pressed together. Your fingers carded through his hair, breathing deep and smelling nothing but his cologne. You sighed when his hands ran over your sides, slipping under your sweater. He pulled his lips away slightly.

“We can’t.” He gritted out, voice a few octaves lower. The sound of it lit a fire in your chest. “It’s not-” his grip on you tightened, fingers digging into your skin. “We can’t.”

“Why not?” You countered, staring at him. His pupils had dilated, only a thin rim of blue visible around them. His lips were swollen and a deep pink color, slightly parted. You ran a thumb over his jaw, feeling the rough stubble scratch your skin.

“Because-” You watched him struggle to reply. You licked your lips, Scott’s eyes following the action. He groaned, mumbling something like ‘fuck it’ before his lips found yours again. You moaned into his mouth, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and running a hand down his back. You fisted his sweater, tugging it upwards. Scott broke the kiss to pull it off, his bare chest on full display for you. His hands pulled up the hem of your hoodie and you raised your arms up so he could peel it off you. You thanked every last god out there that you were wearing matching underwear and bra today.

Scott’s lips connected with your neck, laying sloppy and open mouthed kisses over your skin and slowly moving down, kissing a path down to your breasts. His hands were fumbling with the buckle on your bra before he undid it, pushing the straps off your shoulder and removing it from your body before throwing it somewhere in the room.

His teeth found your nipple, sucking and nipping at it. You arched your back, head thrown back at the feeling. One of your hands tangled in his hair and pulled, coaxing a groan from him while the other gripped his shoulder for support. You felt yourself clench around emptiness, heat pooling between your legs.

“No foreplay.” You gasped, pulling Scott’s face away from your breasts. “I want you right now. Please.”

In a scramble, both of you shrugged off your pants and underwear. You sat up slightly, guiding Scott and sinking down on him until he broke through the resistance. Your mouth dropped open as you continued to slide down on his cock, going deeper and deeper until you were completely impaled by him. Scott groaned when you had bottomed out, hands digging into your hips hard enough to leave bruises.

You let yourself adjust to his size, rolling your hips and jerking when you felt him move inside you. Scott wrapped both arms around you, burying his face into your neck before lifting you and bringing you back down. You whined, supporting yourself on your knees and matching his rhythm. The feeling of him sliding over your walls was indescribable, making you move faster and faster. You gasped and jerked when he pressed against your g-spot, involuntarily clenching around him.

Scott let out a breathy groan at the feeling, lifting you off his cock. You whimpered at the emptiness as he laid you down on the couch, holding your legs open and climbing over you before he slid into you once again.

The pace he set was fast and desperate, both of you looking to chase your orgasms. Your hands clawed at his back, legs wrapping around his hips and making him slide in deeper. He hooked one of your legs over the back of the couch, making you cry out at the new angle it allowed him to hit.

“Oh my god.” You gasped. “Scott, I’m-” You moaned. “I’m close.”

Scott groaned, one hand reaching down to press against your clit. Letting out a strangled cry, your eyes rolled up in your head, orgasm washing over you in waves. Your hips rolled against Scott as he fucked you through your climax, teeth gently nipping at your skin as he groaned and stilled inside you, slowly rocking his hips against you as he came. You sighed at the feeling, warmth coating your insides. You ran your hands over his back, muscles tensed as he came down from his orgasm.

Scott pulled out of you and dropped on the couch behind you, making you turn so there would be room enough for both of you. He wrapped his arm around your waist, your back pressed to his chest, pressing small kisses to your shoulder. You smiled a bit at the feeling.

“Hey.” He whispered a few minutes later, brushing your hair back and pressing his lips to the skin just below your ear. You turned your head slightly, hand reaching up to hold the back of his head and pulling him down to kiss him deeply. He hummed at the feeling, a hand running over your side and your hip, squeezing slightly. You shivered as the heat of the sex slowly dissipated, Scott catching the action instantly. He sat up slightly to grab the blanket slung over the back of the couch, shaking it open and laying it over the both of you.

You sighed and settled back down, closing your eyes. After a few minutes of silence, you squirmed.

“What?” Scott mumbled, voice low, tightening his grip on your waist.

“Would it be unromantic if I say I’m kind of hungry?” You asked, feeling him snort and chuckle against your back.

“Well, no. I don’t think so.” He replied, laying a kiss on your shoulder.

“I want mac n cheese.” You said, slowly sitting up. You looked behind you at Scott, who had his eyes closed and a smile playing on his face. You reached towards him to run a hand through his messy hair.

“With chili?” He asked.

“Of course.” You replied, reaching down to snatch Scott’s sweater off the floor and pulling it over your head before standing up. You wandered over to the kitchen, pulling open a cabinet until you found two boxes of macaroni and cheese, ripping them open. You jumped slightly when arms wrapped around you from behind, making you grin. Scott was laying kisses in your hair as you emptied the box into a bowl. His hands slid under his sweater, moving over your stomach and squeezing your thighs.

“Scott,” you breathed, making him hum. “Let me eat something before we go again.”

You felt him grin against your neck. “That’s probably a good idea because I’m not letting you move after this.”

You laughed a bit, pulling away from him to walk over to the microwave. You felt light as air, tired, but in the best way possible. You looked back and smiled at Scott as he rummaged through the drawer to grab two spoons. You realized that you hadn’t felt this happy in a very long time. You also realized that Scott meant much, much more to you than you had originally assumed.

For some reason, that thought didn’t scare you at all.


	7. Chapter 7

Sunlight was filtering in from the see through curtains on Bucky’s window. The light didn’t irritate his eyes like it usually did. With how cold the cabin usually was, Bucky welcomed the feeling of the warm rays on his face. He tried turning towards the light in his half-asleep state, but something heavy pressing to his left side stopped him from doing so. **  
**

His eyes blinked open, vision bleary with sleep. The weight on his side was shifting, before a head full of hair pressed itself to his chest. Bucky huffed as hair tickled his face, getting into his mouth slightly, but the feeling made him smile. This person was much more important than the sunlight, so Bucky turned his back to the window in favor of wrapping his arms around her, face burying into her neck.

The action effectively woke her up, and Bucky felt her hands move up his back to settle at his neck, lightly stroking and tugging the strands of hair there. Bucky moaned softly in appreciation of her touch, feeling her smile against the side of his head.

“Morning to you, too.” Her voice was rough and cracky with sleep, but it made Bucky’s chest fill with warmth.

The longer Bucky remained awake, the longer reality seemed to catch up with him. He tried his best to ignore it, but he knew he couldn’t do that for long. He could never hide from the fact that he was literally sleeping with the enemy. And he couldn’t ignore the panic rising when he realized just how much said enemy was starting to mean to him. He was falling in love, he knew it. He was self aware enough to acknowledge it. But it didn’t stop him from worrying incessantly.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asked, voice still low so as to not disturb the peaceful silence around them. She must have sensed Bucky tensing, because she pulled away to look at his face.

“You just thought of something.” She stated, making Bucky sigh. He didn’t know if it should make him happy or worry him, just how in tune Y/N seemed to be with him. She could always tell something was wrong. It was slightly unnerving, considering they’d only known each other for about two months and had been sleeping together for two weeks.

“It’s nothing.” He replied, knowing she wouldn’t buy it. He obviously couldn’t tell her the truth, but he knew he couldn’t exactly lie either.

The thought of coming clean with Y/N had crossed his mind numerous times. He remembered her saying she would do anything to leave this job. He wondered how serious she was when she said that. He wondered if she would risk her life for a chance that he might be able to take down Darvey’s entire operation.

Or would she rat him out? She was assigned to make sure he was good enough to work for Darvey. Would she stick to her word and have him killed for being an undercover cop?

She was still looking at him, face slowly morphing to one of concern. Her eyes were wide open, lips slightly parted. Bucky smiled a bit, running his thumb over her cheek. His heart was swelling in his chest, and he knew. Y/N wouldn’t sell him out. She had trusted him with information about her family that he could ruin her life with. Looking back at the past two weeks, Bucky couldn’t pick out one moment that might make him suspicious of her intentions.

All he had felt was soft, searing love.

Bucky leaned forward until his lips gently brushed against hers, making her sigh and kiss him. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer until her body was pressed against his. Through the thin shirt that she wore, Bucky could feel her heartbeat rise slightly, a fact that made him smile.

There wasn’t a lot to do in the cabin. There was no TV and only a small shelf of terrible books. Most of the time they spent there, Bucky would keep Y/N occupied in some intimate way. They would talk about anything and everything, and the night would always end with both of them in bed, either making out or going even farther.

Today was just like any other lazy day. But somehow, it felt different. Bucky felt more aware of where he was, who he was with and what he was doing. Unable to help himself, Bucky pulled away from the kiss suddenly, feeling the overwhelming sensation of panic brewing in his chest again.

“Did you mean it?” He blurted out. “When you said you’d do anything to get out, did you mean it?”

Y/N was understandably taken aback by his question, blinking. Then taking a deep breath, she nodded. Her eyes were pleading with him, as if afraid of what he might do with that information. Bucky gritted his teeth, making a decision. He sat up.

“I need to tell you something.”

…………………

Bucky watched, sitting cross-legged on the bed as Y/N paced around before him, wringing her fingers together. She sighed and stopped, leaning against the wall opposite to him.

“Officer James Barnes.” She mumbled.

“James Buchanan Barnes.” He agreed. “My friends call me Bucky.”

“Bucky,” Y/N tested, voice low. Bucky felt his heart skip at the sound of his name from her mouth. “Fake name makes sense.”

“The operation was a little rushed.” Bucky explained. “It’s not every day that the FBI gets an opening to safely send in an undercover cop. They had to get me in as soon as possible. I’m sure they crafted a lot more details after I was gone. They had to introduce Scott Finn in all the systems, which can’t be hard.”

Y/N hummed in agreement.

“Have they talked to you since you’ve been here?”

Bucky shook his head.

Silently, Y/N walked over to where he sat, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. She stared into space, still deep in thought, a slight frown on her face.

“How much of what you told me was true?”

Bucky sighed. “I do actually have sisters?” He tried, making her expression drop.

“I’m still me, Y/N.” Bucky added, trying to make her understand. “I’m the same person. I talk, walk and act the same way. The only difference is the name and where I’m from.”

She nodded, lips twitching slightly. “So you’re not from California?”

Bucky shook his head again. “Been in New York all my life.”

She fell quiet again, closing her eyes for a bit. Bucky watched her expression, looking for any change in her demeanor. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, waiting for a reaction.

“Please say something.” He whispered, watching her face flicker before she squeezed her eyes shut.

“I don’t know what to say.” She replied. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that the guy I’m sleeping with is not the guy I thought he was. I didn’t even know your name.”

“You didn’t have to.” Bucky rushed to get out. “I was completely me whenever I was with you.” He leaned forward to run a thumb down her cheek. “I still care about you. You have to trust me.”

She stared at him for a second, assessing his face.

“And you can end this? You can put Darvey behind bars?”

Bucky nodded. “Yes. If I get enough intel on him and his operations, I can set up a police bust to catch him in the middle of the crime. That can open up a can of worms that will get him in jail for the rest of his life.”

There was a small silence.

“And what if I give you that intel?”

Bucky blinked, mouth falling open. He watched Y/N as she waited for his response. Her body was tense in anticipation.

“You would do that?” He asked softly. “It’ll be like turning yourself in.”

Y/N smiled a bit. “How many years?”

Bucky shrugged, trying to think calmly. “It depends on how deep you are in all this shit.”

Y/N laughed a bit, but there was nothing happy about it. In fact, it was filled with bitterness. “A lot of years, then.”

Bucky felt himself deflate a bit at the prospect of Y/N going to jail. He always knew that would happen when he would bust the mob. But that was before he fell in love with her. That was before she meant this much to him.

As suddenly as he had revealed his entire secret, an idea struck him. He grabbed her hand, making her look at him.

“You know almost everything about how Darvey runs stuff around here.” He stated. “More than enough to take down not only him, but nearly all of his connections.”

Y/N nodded. “I do.”

Bucky smiled a bit. “Reduced sentencing.” His voice held hope. “You could solely take down this whole operation. That kind of assistance to authorities makes you look really good in front of the DA. Your sentence will decrease drastically.”

Y/N stared at him for a few moments, thinking his words over. She nodded slowly, looking at him for reassurance.

“That could work?” She asked, voice an octave higher with the effort to hide her excitement and hope. Bucky squeezed her hand, allowing himself to smile.

“Of course.” He whispered, shuffling forward until his forehead connected with hers. He watched her eyes shut, still trembling slightly at the prospect of having a chance to start over.

“I’ll put in a good word for you.” He added. “They’ll need my entire statement from the operation. And I’ll write an entire essay about how helpful you were.”

Y/N huffed out a laugh, eyes opening to meet his own. They were slightly shiny from tears, but there was a smile on her face.

“I love you.”

Bucky’s breath hitched, eyes darting between hers. He leaned down to connect their lips, feeling her breathe deep and kiss back. It was soft but slightly desperate, a bittersweet mix of hope and impending doom.

“I love you too.” He mumbled, shifting to pull her closer, her legs straddling his hips and arms wrapping tightly around his neck. Their smiles grew wider and wider until they had to pull away, grinning like idiots.

“Okay,” she began, climbing off of him. Her voice held a renewed energy, an excitement Bucky hadn’t heard before. It was contagious enough to make Bucky smile as well. She was reaching into the side drawer, pulling out a notebook and shuffling around until she found a pen. Bucky settled back against the headboard, opening his arms for her to sit in his lap, back against his chest. She flipped to a blank page, clicking the pen and doodling in the corner to check if it worked.

“Here’s everything you need to know.”


	8. Chapter 8

There was a banging on the door.

You stared at the door, freezing halfway in your walk to the kitchen. Bucky was on the couch, blankets scattered around him from where you’d just stood up. You both exchanged looks, eyes wide. You knew for a fact that no one was supposed to know this cabin was occupied.

You tensed when the banging got more intense, making Bucky jump up and ruffle around under the couch with one hand, trying to grab the gun stashed under there. Then he pulled it out, slowly clicking off the safety and moving right beside the door. He nodded at you to stand behind it, giving you a reassuring look as your hand wrapped around the door handle. Whoever it was kept banging.

Taking one last breath, you yanked the door open, Bucky raising his gun to point directly at the guy’s face.

“Whoa, hey!” A familiar voice said, raising his hands up in surrender. You blinked at stepped out from behind the door as Bucky lowered the gun.

“Jake?” You questioned, eyes falling on the hoodie clad man with a grin on his face that you remembered all too well.

“Y/N.” He returned, pulling you into an unexpected hug. “Damn, it’s been too long.”

You forced out a laugh, staring at Bucky over Jake’s shoulder. He shrugged, moving back into the cabin. Jake pulled away to look at him.

“Pack your shit up, Finn!” He called. “We’re leaving.”

You raised your eyebrows at him. “We are?”

Jake nodded, still smiling. “Yup. You’re in the clear.”

You smiled, letting out a sigh of relief. It really was good news. Your thoughts wandered to Emma, excitement creeping up on you at the prospect of seeing her again.

“How was the last month?” Jake asked as you two moved to the couch. Bucky had disappeared into his room, probably following orders and packing stuff up. There wasn’t a lot of it, so it wouldn’t take long. Jake flopped down over the messily strewn blankets, giving you an apologetic look.

“I know we don’t really know Finn. He’s still new. But I hope he wasn’t too creepy.”

You nearly cracked a smile but managed to remain neutral, shrugging. “Yeah, he was fine. We didn’t really bother each other.”

You had always considered yourself to be a good liar, but Jake knew you too well, it seemed. His eyebrows furrowed at your words, head tilting.

“There’s something different about you.”

You sat rock still in front of him, expression kept entirely blank. “Really? How so?”

Jake pursed his lips and shrugged. “Dunno. Just different.”

You stood up. “Well, I’ll go pack up my stuff and why don’t you try and figure out what’s different in the meantime?”

You walked over to your room which wasn’t really your room. Hell, you hadn’t stepped in that room since you and Bucky first slept with each other. There was nothing in here that was yours apart from your phone.

You sat on your bed, thoughts racing. Despite the anticipation of seeing Emma again, you couldn’t help but deflate slightly at the thought of this self-labelled vacation ending. It meant going back to the warehouse, back to the daily illegal jobs and the perverted stares of Darvey’s men. You squeezed your eyes shut, letting out a painful sigh. Well, at least you had Bucky now.

Speaking of Bucky, you knew you couldn’t let anyone know you were sleeping with him. Not because of what they might think. You could give less of a crap about what your work partners made of you if they found out you were sleeping with someone on the job. It was more for the sake of the operation that you and Bucky had planned to carry out. You two would have to be secret unless you wanted someone to get suspicious.

You walked out of the room with an empty backpack slung over your shoulder, the only items inside it being your phone and a gun. Jake was standing at the door, typing something into his phone. Bucky was standing next to him, having changed into jeans and a button down maroon shirt. Your eyes met briefly, and you couldn’t make out what thoughts were brewing in his head.

“Ready?” Jake asked. You nodded and stepped out of the cabin, followed by the two men.

“Go ahead.” You gestured to Jake’s car. “Me and Scott will follow behind in my car.”

Jake nodded, thankfully not thinking much of it. You didn’t say anything more, and neither did Bucky until the car was on the road, following smoothly behind Jake’s.

Bucky was the one to break the silence.

“So uh…. are we still on?” His voice was unsure.

You snorted, glancing at him. “I would hope so.”

Bucky huffed out a little laugh. “Sorry, no. That’s not what I meant.” He replied. “I just thought- you and Jake. And we’re going back so-”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” you interrupted frown on your face and glancing at him again before your eyes turned back to the road. “What about me and Jake?”

Bucky gave you a look, confused.

“We’re not together.” You stated, incredulously. “You actually thought we were a thing?”

There was a small silence before Bucky spoke in a small voice. “No.”

“Bucky,” you laughed.

“Hey, you can’t blame me for thinking that!” Bucky defended. You were still laughing. “You two always seemed really close, so I just figured.”

You shook your head, still grinning. “Jake is a very good friend of mine. He’s a positive person and he’s basically kept me sane for the past couple of years. But we’re not dating or anything.”

Bucky nodded, shifting a little. “I- can I say something?”

You glanced at him. “Sure.”

Bucky cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. He hesitated a bit more before speaking.

“Jake is Darvey’s nephew, meaning he’s really deep in this shit.”

You nodded slowly. You already had an inkling where this was going.

“He’s done some fucked up shit, Y/N. Even without knowledge of every single one of those crimes, I can easily say he’ll receive life in prison when he gets arrested.”

You sighed, watching the silhouette of Jake’s head in the car before you. Your heart lurched at the thought of Jake in jail forever.

“I know.” You finally choked out.

Bucky had caught on to your change in tone. He reached towards you, placing a hand on your own where it gripped the gearshift. You smiled briefly at him.

“I wish it didn’t have to be that way.”

You shook your head, shrugging. “I don’t expect anything different.” You moved your hand until your fingers intertwined with his. “It’s okay. It was bound to happen.”

Bucky didn’t reply, only squeezing your hand in return. You two fell silent once more before a thought occurred to you.

“Do you have any idea when the FBI might be talking to you?”

Bucky shook his head. “I’ve been here so long and nothing yet. I really don’t know what to expect.”

You nodded, nibbling at your bottom lip slightly. You knew you couldn’t really do anything until Bucky got all the information to the authorities. And even then you’d have to carefully plan out the arrest. There were a lot of factors that would come into play here. You weren’t the only one on Darvey’s team that had brains. It had to be very discreet so no one would know what was happening until the last moment.

…………………….

Life seemed like it hadn’t changed at all after Bucky and Y/N got back to the warehouse. She was immediately whisked away by Jake for ‘business’ and Bucky went back to his miniature room. He flopped down on his bed, wincing at the stiffness of the mattress. He had gotten used to the plush feeling of the bed at the cabin. This was a major downgrade.

He decided he couldn’t stay in the stifling room, so he went outside the warehouse, ignoring the men that were staring at him. Most of them were in their thirties, grimy looking and unashamed of shamelessly gawking at him. He sat down on the steps outside the huge building, watching the occasional car rumble by.

Five minutes later, an off white and red painted van stopped in front of him, making him furrow his eyebrows. The man that walked out was dressed in a red polo shirt with the post office logo on it. Bucky stood up as he walked over to him with a brown package in hand.

“How’ve you been, James?” The man said in a low voice.

Bucky blinked, freezing at the name. His mind recalled his training prior to the mission, and he automatically reached into his pocket for the large sheet Y/N had written down a lot of the intel on. Bucky had kept the folded paper in his pocket just in case he might be contacted. And he had.

The man pocketed the sheet, raising his eyebrows.

“It’s a lot.” Bucky said, taking the clipboard from the man’s hand and pretending to read it. “I can’t say all of it out loud, so I wrote most of it. Listen, we have more than enough information for a bust. We can take these people down now. There’s an event coming in about three weeks-”

“You got all this information in three months?” The man asked, frowning. Bucky nodded.

“I found a source.” He said. “I can’t explain it right now. Just- read all of it. We need to make this bust quick. We can’t have people around here getting suspicious-”

“Hey, what’s this?” A loud voice interrupted Bucky, making him tense. He straightened his face to a blank expression, watching a man walk up to him. He was tall, very skinny in a sickly way. His cheeks had sunken in, probably a product of excessive smoking. His hair was a white blonde, parted in the middle and falling to his shoulders. He stopped right next to Bucky. The postman smiled.

“Just delivering a package. I’m waiting for…” he looked down at the package. “Jake Matthews?”

The man nodded before turning to Bucky. “Go inside, newbie.”

Bucky didn’t hesitate. He handed the clipboard to the man and walked straight inside, heart beating a mile a minute. He turned the corner before hiding behind it to look at what was happening. The man was signing the clipboard, handing it back in exchange for the package. Bucky sighed a bit, trying to calm down when the interaction ended without the man asking any questions. He turned and walked inside.

………………

Bucky didn’t know what time it was when his bedroom door creaked open, making him raise his head and look towards it. His eyes made out Y/N’s silhouette in the doorway, before it disappeared and the door shut with a click.

“Where have you been?” He asked, voice still low so no one outside would hear.

The mattress creaked slightly as Y/N sat down next to where he lay, making him scoot over to make room for her.

“Darvey wanted to see me.” She replied. In the dark, it was hard to make out her expression, so Bucky resorted to just listen to her.

“He was asking about you. How you were doing and if he should let you stay.”

“And what did you tell him?” Bucky whispered.

“Textbook perfect answers.” There was a hint of pride in her voice. “He’ll have you moved out of the newbie room soon.”

There was a small silence before Bucky spoke up again.

“Someone from the FBI came to see me today.”

Y/N head jerked up towards him at the words. Despite not being able to see her face, Bucky could tell the words had shocked her. She straightened up, scooting closer to Bucky’s face and leaning down.

“What did he say?”

Bucky shrugged. “Not much. I gave him the sheet. Told him we needed to hurry before someone got suspicious. He was surprised I got so much intel so quickly.”

“Did you tell him about me?” Y/N’s voice had an eager edge to it.

Bucky shook his head slowly. “Some guy from the inside came out while we were still talking. But I told him I had a resource. He knows there’s someone on the inside that’s helping me.”

Y/N let out a breath she had apparently been holding. “Well, at least we’re getting somewhere.”

Bucky nodded even though she couldn’t see him. Y/N slowly lowered herself until she was laying on what little was left of the tiny mattress, half of her body on top of his so she wouldn’t fall off the bed. She let out a huff.

“Man, I still hate this mattress.” She muttered, moving around a bit to try and get comfortable. Bucky smiled to himself at the whine in her voice, placing his hands on her hips to still her. He pulled her until she was entirely on top of him, face nestled into the crook of his neck. He straightened himself so his back was entirely against the mattress.

“Go to sleep.” He mumbled, one arm wrapping around her to keep her in place while the other carded through her hair, kissing her forehead when she keened at the feeling.

“I love you.” The room was pitch silent, and that was the only reason Bucky heard her.

“I love you, too.” He breathed out, feeling exhaustion pull him under.


	9. Chapter 9

"Y/N can I talk to you?” You turned around at the voice, placing your phone in your pocket. You recognized the man instantly, his long blond hair a characteristic you couldn’t forget. He didn’t look much different than the last time you saw him. Tall, sickly thin, pale. **  
**

“Hi Zane.” You greeted, following your ex mentor when he gestured to you to walk with him. You two fell in step, walking off the warehouse grounds and away from the noises of the people talking. The situation felt very familiar to you. You remembered how you and Zane would often take walks in your early days as part of the mob. It was a long time ago, and since then both of you didn’t talk much, often busy with different jobs. In fact, this was the first time you were talking to Zane in months.

“How’s everything with you?” He asked, voice mellow and calm like it always had been. You envied Zane in that respect. No matter what the situation, he never seemed to panic. There was a quaint steadiness in his actions you wish you had.

“Everything’s great.” You replied, giving him a smile.

“And how’s the new recruit?”

You pursed your lips. “He’s fine so far. Hasn’t been a lot of trouble. He’s pretty good at some stuff. I already have a few suggestions about the posts Darvey could give him.”

Zane nodded, staring straight ahead.

“You sure you want him to stay?”

You frowned, looking at Zane. “Well, yeah. He’s doing good so far.”

“You sure about that?”

You stopped walking, making him do the same. Your eyes darted over his face, trying to comprehend what he meant. His face was as blank as usual. “What do you mean, Zane?”

He shrugged, hands in his jacket pockets. “I’m just sayin’, he’s a little off.”

You crossed your arms, gritting your teeth. You tried to keep your breaths even despite the panic rising inside you. What had happened? Had Zane talked to Bucky? Did Bucky slip up? Why did Zane suspect him?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your voice didn’t falter. You didn’t hesitate as you spoke. You had learned to lie very easily. This wasn’t hard for you. But one look at the smirk that took over Zane’s face and you swore to yourself.

You had forgotten this man had taught you all you knew. Of course he would see through your lies. He was the one who taught you to lie in the first place.

“I think you know exactly what I’m talking about, sweetheart.” Zane turned his lean frame so he faced you. His dark eyes peered directly into yours, as if staring into your soul. He stepped forward, leaning down until his lips were right next to your ear.

“I’d be careful if I were you. I wouldn’t want anyone to hurt my little chronically ill prodigy back at home, would I?”

Your blood ran cold.

You stood rock still as Zane pulled away enough to look at you, feeling a deep chill settle in your bones. He smirked at the horror on your face. You opened your mouth, struggling to form a sentence.

“How did you….?”

He chuckled, staring down at his feet briefly before locking eyes with you again.

“Did you really think Darvey would hire someone he had no leverage over, sweets? He’s not stupid, y’know.”

Your heart rate was steadily rising, until you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“Now don’t panic on me.” Zane said, raising his hands as if in surrender. “I’m just saying. I’d be careful if I were you.”

Those were his last words before he turned away, lanky frame walking back to the warehouse while you stood on the concrete path, muscles paralyzed and tears stinging your eyes.

………………..

There was a knock on your bedroom door, quiet but loud enough for you to hear it. You stopped your pacing immediately, rushing over to the door and prying it open. Bucky stood before you, eyes furrowing at the obvious panic on your features. You tugged at his arm and shut the door behind him.

“Y/N, what happened? I came as soon as I got your message. Is everything okay?”

“Have you met Zane?” You cut to the chase, further explaining yourself when he looked at you, confused. “Tall guy, skinny, blonde hair-”

“Oh yeah, him.” His voice held a bitter tone that immediately caught your attention. You grabbed Bucky by his biceps, turning him so his full attention was on you.

“What did he say to you?” Despite the struggle of keeping your voice calm, Bucky must have heard the fear in it, because he frowned and reached to pull you closer.

“Y/N-”

“He knows about Emma.” You blurted out. “He knows. He’s known for a while apparently. And he said I had to be careful with you or he’d-” Your voice caught, tears escaping and running down your cheeks. You could feel your entire frame tremble. “He’d hurt her.”

“Okay,” Bucky moved you until you sat down on your bed. He leaned on the ground before you. “Listen to me. He doesn’t know anything. He saw me when I was with the postman FBI guy, but I’m sure he heard nothing. He might be a little suspicious right now but we just have to lay low for a few days and he’ll forget about it.”

“No.” You forced out. “No, he won’t. He’s  _Zane_ , Buck. He won’t forget. He’ll keep a keen eye on you from now on. And he’ll hurt Emma.”

“He won’t do anything to Emma.” Bucky’s voice was so firm it made you look up at him. His eyes bored into your own, stare so steady and reassuring, it made your heart slow slightly. “He won’t.”

“I need to see her.” You stated, not really hearing Bucky’s words at this point. “I haven’t seen her in so long. I need to make sure she’s okay.”

“Okay.” Bucky nodded. “Do you want me to come with you?”

You looked at Bucky, his eyes a calm blue despite the storm brewing inside you. It eased your brain, however slightly. You then decided that you needed Bucky there.

“Yes please.” You squeaked out, sniffling slightly.

………………

“Be careful of that window sill, it creaks.” You glanced down and pointed, making Bucky intentionally step on another crevice to lift himself up. You tugged the window of the familiar bedroom open, climbing in headfirst. The room was empty, like you expected it would be. You looked around at the setting, feeling the usual cozy sensation it gave you overcome you completely. You sighed and moved further inside, hearing Bucky grunt as he thudded into the room.

“She’ll be home soon.” You stated, gesturing around the room for him. “Make yourself comfortable.”

Bucky gingerly walked across the floor, looking around the room. It was filled to the brim with stuff, whether it was large books or little trinkets. You walked to the joined bathroom, opening the mirror cabinet. You shook a few of the bottles in there, deciding she had enough meds for a week or so more. There were two little oxygen cylinders propped up against one wall, the ones Emma filled her tanks with. Two of them were full. One was empty. Again, enough for a while.

You walked back into the room, eyes falling on Bucky where he stood next to the dresser, a small rectangular frame in his hand.

“This is you, right?” He turned to picture to you, pointing at a younger version of yourself. You nodded.

Bucky smiled and looked at the picture again. “You look so happy.”

You let out a shaky breath, feeling a bitter smile stretch over your lips. You walked over to where he stood, taking the frame from his hands and smiling down at it.

“It was summer.” You described. “My mom thought it would be a great idea to go on a road trip. It took a while to convince Dad but he eventually agreed. He couldn’t say no to us. Even if he tried.” You let out a wet laugh. “This was a beach we saw from the car. Mom thought it was the perfect place for a picture. Dad set up the camera.”

You felt arms wrap around you from behind and you leaned backwards into them, feeling Bucky’s lips in your hair.

“I feel so fake.” You felt the words leave you as you stared at your five year old self, watching the smile that stretched across your lips. “I try to be strong. And everyone thinks I’m some badass chick who can take down anyone she wants. But then I spend so much time crying and trying to not break down completely. And it makes me realize I’m not strong at all. I’m barely getting by. I’m just here, scared and lonely, weak and desperate-”

“Stop.” Bucky whispered, arms tightening around you. “What makes you think you crying or panicking measures your strength? It doesn’t. What measures your strength is that here you are, living in a shithole of a life, trying your best to give your sister a life that she’ll live happily, while putting yourself in danger every day. You, Y/N Y/L/N could not get any stronger than this.”

You sighed and turned in his arms, eyes meeting light blue ones. Bucky smiled at you, a gesture that was so reassuring, it nearly made you burst into tears all over again.

“I’m so in love with you.” You whimpered, feeling your voice crack.

“I’m so in love with you too.” Bucky smiled, a huge grin that spread over his face. “And I hate seeing you sad, doll. You don’t deserve to be so pained.”

You sniffled, letting out a wet laugh. Bucky wiped tears from your eyes, using his thumb to trace over your cheekbones.

A thud just outside the door made you two pull away, the door creaking open as Emma walked in. She was dressed in outdoor clothing, trying to pull her jacket off with one hand while the other gripped the little trolley she carried her oxygen tank on. Her motions stilled when her eyes met yours, before she gasped and closed the door behind her. She hurried over to you and you met her halfway, hugging her skinny frame tightly to yourself. You felt your heart squeeze and relax at the feeling of finally seeing her, breaths already coming slightly easier.

“You were gone for so long.” Her voice was muffled in your shoulder.

“I know, baby.” You cooed. “I’m so sorry. Something came up.”

Emma nodded, pulling back enough to smile at you. Your thumb traced her cheeks, along the plastic tubing that ran across them. Emma’s eyes flitted to the figure behind you, her face positively lighting up.

“Who’s your friend?” She asked excitedly, turning away from you to gaze wide eyed at Bucky, who smiled at her.

“This is Bucky.” You explained. “He’s a…. a colleague.”

“A friend.” Bucky added, smiling at you. Your chest warmed at his words.

“A boyfriend.” You countered, making Emma turn to you.

“A boyfriend?” She asked, excitedly.

You nodded, clearing your throat. “Well, actually,  _the_  boyfriend. It’s not like I have more than one.”

She laughed at that, turning back to Bucky before offering him a hand.

“My name’s Emma, but I guess you already knew that.”

Bucky nodded, his smile widening. “I did, but never once did anyone mention just how pretty you were, Emma.”

Emma giggled at that, and you could see the red tint of her cheeks, making you snort. You felt her nudge you harshly as she continued to grin at Bucky. You raised your hands teasingly.

“Sorry to interrupt the reunion.” You teased, making them both turn to you.

“I missed you.” Emma breathed out, wrapping you in a tight hug again. You sighed, savoring the feeling of her.

“I did too, hun.” You replied. “I did too.”

…………………

“That is so cool!” Emma jumped up and down on the bed a bit, before breathing deep and coughing violently. You cursed and reached for the tall glass on the bedside table, scooting closer to her and helping her take a few gulps of water. She smiled sheepishly, clearing her throat and wiping her mouth.

“Sorry.” She breathed out. “I got a little excited.”

Bucky shook his head, grinning. “It’s okay, doll. Maybe that’s enough cop stories for today.”

You looked behind you at the clock, pursing your lips. “We should get going.”

Emma frowned, looking at you both as you moved off the bed to put on your shoes. “Do you really have to go?”

You smiled sadly at her, reaching to brush her hair off her forehead. “I’m afraid so, baby. But not for so long this time, okay? I’ll come every week, I promise.”

“And bring Bucky with you?” There was hope in her voice, making Bucky look at her and smile. He stood up, leaning down to plant a kiss on the top of her head. Emma wrapped her arms around his middle in return, burying her face in his shirt. Bucky looked like a giant next to her, considering how skinny and short Emma’s disease had left her. You smiled at them as Bucky hugged her back.

“I’ll bring Bucky.” You said, quietly. They turned to look at you, still hugging. Emma extended an arm to you. You laughed and stepped towards them, feeling two arms wrap around you, one lean and the other big and muscular. You couldn’t wipe your smile off even of you tried. This was everything you had needed but never realized you did. Your sister, alive and well. Your love, someone you trusted with your life. Both by your side, happy and warm with their arms around you.

You had never felt more at peace.

……………..

“I like Emma.” Bucky declared when you two had settled into the car. You started the ignition, smiling.

“I should hope so.” You joked. “Because she’s going to want you here every time I visit. If you haven’t noticed, she doesn’t really know a lot of the people I work with.”

Bucky nodded. “She wants to feel connected to you.”

You pulled the car on the road, glancing at the house one last time before you drove away. The heater was blasting, trying to warm the interior of the car. You shifted on the seat to get comfortable.

“I don’t blame her.” You replied to Bucky’s statement. “She’s actually been pretty accepting of the fact that I’m so secretive about what I do.”

“She’s a smart kid.”

You hummed in agreement, focusing on the road.

“Is this her?”

You yelped at the voice, car lurching. It was gruff but calm, and it was coming from the backseat. Bucky had turned in an instant, gun raised and his finger on the trigger.

“Relax, Barnes.” The voice huffed out. You stared back through the rearview mirror, trying to steady the car again and make out who the voice belonged to. But it was too dark. Once you were driving smoothly again, Bucky lowered his gun.

“What the hell?” You hissed at him. Bucky raised a hand to stop you from saying anything further, giving you a reassuring look.

“It’s okay. Y/N, this is Agent Sam Wilson. He’s with the FBI.”

“Keep driving.” The voice said again when you tried to slow the car down and look back at him. You obediently sped up again, feeling your heart beat a mile a minute.

“So, is this her?” The man, Agent Wilson, resumed speaking. You saw Bucky nod next to you.

“I’m Y/N.” You blurted out. The man regarded you for a bit, eyes locking with your own in the rearview mirror. His face was hard set, and his stare unnerved you a bit. You cleared your throat.

“I know.” He replied. “Barnes told me.”

You nodded, glancing at Bucky. He was staring out the windshield, surprisingly at ease.

“Why are you here?” He asked.

Wilson shifted a bit, crossing his arms. “That event you mentioned, I wanted to talk to Y/N about it.” His eyes turned to you again.

You nodded, trying very hard to drive smoothly. It was hard. Your nerves were shot and your movements were jerky.

“A while ago I picked up a new drug sample for Darvey.” You explained. “A yellow liquid. Don’t know what street name they coined for it. But according to Darvey, it’s sure to be the next big thing.

The test samples did amazingly. So he’s set a large shipment to arrive from Mexico next week. It’s a big venture, and the people who are selling it are pretty high up. The delivery is a big deal, so Darvey is going to be there. As well as about 50 other people.”

Wilson nodded, expression showing intrigue.

“Most of the important people working with and for Darvey will be there.” You continued. “If you arrest all of them, they’ll cough up the rest of the names. It’ll be enough to take down this entire empire.”

There was silence for a bit before Wilson spoke.

“Do you have the details for the event?”

You nodded eagerly. “Of course.”

He hummed, narrowing his eyes at you. “You do realize this is practically suicide, right? I mean, no offense, but you’ve done some nasty shit. This won’t let you off the hook.”

You and Bucky exchanged a glance before he spoke.

“This amount of cooperation means significantly reduced jail time.” He stated.

Wilson’s eyes turned towards him, nodding. “Reduced being the key word. She’ll still be arrested. She’ll still go to jail.”

You gritted your teeth. “I realize that.”

Wilson sat up then, frowning. “And you’re willing to risk that?”

You thought of Emma, safe in her bed. You thought of Zane, his cold threat still lingering in your mind. You nodded again.

Wilson sat back again, sighing. “Okay.” He pulled out a small device, turning it on until a red light appeared on it. “Tell me everything about the event.”


	10. Chapter 10

Cars lined both sides of the street, still leaving enough space on the road to allow more cars to drive by. You stared as men piled out from the vehicles, talking quietly to each other as they moved towards the location where you were supposed to be headed. You turned your head to take in the huge warehouse to your left. In the distance, you could hear waves crashing at the docks.

Next to you, the leather passenger seat squeaked under Bucky’s weight, making you turn to him. He was already looking at you, expression forlorn. Before you could help it, you felt a wet film spread over your eyes, your vision blurring as a result.

Preparations had been rushed, the authorities scrambling to gain control since you had spilled everything about your toxic life. Bucky and Sam had talked once more two days ago, letting you and him know that everything was in place. Today was the day Darvey’s new drug project launched. It was also the day Darvey’s long reign of illegal rule would come to an end.

It all seemed too surreal to you. For so long, you had believed that your life was an irreversible, tragic mess. To have the opportunity of reversing your mistakes, to give your sister a life she won’t be ashamed of, it seemed to good to be true. Yet here it was, it was happening.

Bucky reached a hand forward, thumb brushing the skin under your eye to catch the tear as soon as it escaped.

“This is it.” You whispered, making him nod.

You two stared at each other in silence for a bit before you spoke again.

“Will I see you again?”

He knew what you meant. _Will I see you before I go to jail for who knows how long?_

Bucky nodded, chest rising as he breathed deep. “I’ll make sure that you do.”

You reached up to grip his wrist, holding his hand to your cheek. “You have to promise me something.”

He nodded. “Anything.”

“You’ll take care of Emma.” Your voice cracked. “Please. Just until she’s eighteen. Just until she gets that scholarship.”

Bucky was already nodding before you finished. “Of course, doll. Don’t worry about her. She’s in safe hands.”

“And make sure you tell her what happened.” You continued. “All of it. You have to make sure she won’t hate me.”

Bucky shook her head vigorously. “She couldn’t ever hate you. You’re her hero.”

You let out a sob, letting him pull you into a hug over the gearshift. You weeped into his shoulder, his hand running through your hair.

“I love you.” He whispered. “I’ll wait for you.”

You looked at him, not being able to help your wet smile. “And I love you.”

He kissed you then, and you kissed back with everything you had. You cupped his jaw with both hands, putting all your emotions into that kiss. Bucky breathed into your lips, reluctantly pulling away. You wiped your face, sniffling.

“Ready?” He asked softly, making you nod.

“Ready.”

…………………….

The warehouse was buzzing with people. Some of them in casual gear dirty with mud. Others in expensive suits, talking and laughing, exchanging pleasantries. Bucky looked around, eyes locking on every window, every vent. He knew that the FBI and the DEA had scanned the entire perimeter up and down a week ago. Their strategy was set and ready to go. Every move was planned out to the last detail. This was going to go textbook perfect. There was no doubt about it.

It had been harder to convince Y/N though. Throughout the previous night, she had been a nervous wreck. Bucky had sat against the headboard of her bed, watching her pace around the room until he sighed and finally stood up.

“You need sleep,” he wrapped his arms around her, gently pulling her to walk back to the bed. “Who knows when you’ll get it next time?”

She sniffled a bit. “What’s going to happen after the bust?”

Bucky pulled the blanket over both of them, letting Y/N press her ice cold toes to his legs to warm up.

“Legalities. And a lot of arrests.” He replied. “We’ll get as many as we can into interrogation, try to get them to spill about the rest of the workers. Then the trials will start. Those will take a while, what with how many convicts there will be and how complex the connections are.”

He felt her nod against his neck.

“I have a plan about getting Emma into witness protection.”

This made her look up at him, eyebrows raised. “But she’s not a witness.”

Bucky nodded. “She’s directly connected to you, though. And she’s been indirectly threatened. Sam says he found a loophole. They’ll get her out of the state until this blows over.”

She smiled then, snuggling against him again. “That’s the best news you could have ever given me.”

Bucky smiled against her hair, squeezing her arm in reassurance. “I know. Now go to sleep, please.”

………

Y/N was immediately whisked away from his side as soon as they stepped into the building, leaving Bucky on his own. Bucky looked around some more, trying to locate the one person he was looking for. He caught the white blond hair quickly. Zane was tall, so it wasn’t hard to notice him. Bucky stood near a wall, watching the man as he smoked a cigarette, laughing at something his group of goons was saying.

Bucky had made sure that after apprehending Darvey, Zane would be the next person in shackles. Even though it was highly unlikely that anyone in the vicinity would get away, Bucky just had to be sure. Darvey and Zane were the only two people who knew about Emma, apparently. Bucky had to make sure Zane wouldn’t be able to get anywhere near her.

Zane turned his head then, eyes locking with Bucky. He tensed as Zane walked over to him, taking a deep breath and not expecting what he would say.

“Finn.” Zane greeted, smirking at Bucky.

Bucky nodded. He didn’t say anything as Zane leaned against the wall right next to him, holding out a cigarette. Bucky shook his head.

“I’m good, thanks.”

Zane shrugged and pocketed the stick, holding his own half burnt one to his mouth. He took a huge drag, blowing out clouds of smoke. Bucky scrunched his nose at the smell.

“Y/N is something, ain’t she?” He asked.

Bucky looked at him, shrugging. “I guess so.”

Zane chuckled a bit. They stood in silence for a bit before he spoke again.

“She just as feisty in bed?”

Bucky’s head snapped to the side to look at him wide-eyed. Zane glanced at him briefly before snorting.

“I’m not an idiot, Finn.” He rasped out, smoke billowing around him. “You think you can sneak down to her room every night and nobody would notice? I’ve been in this business for decades. I know how to pick clues up.”

Bucky gritted his teeth, trying to calm down. He tried to think rationally. It didn’t matter if Zane knew. Within an hour, he would be arrested, thrown in jail for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t breathe free air after that. So it didn’t matter.

“And what about it?” He bit out.

Zane chuckled then. “I just gotta know,” he leaned forward, “how’d you do it? I mean, I’ve known her for four years and she’s never given in once. Tell me how you did it so the rest of us can have a little fun too.”

It took everything in Bucky to not punch him across the face there and then. He took several deep breaths, counting to ten in his head. He couldn’t mess anything up. Everything had to go according to schedule.

He didn’t reply to Zane, instead opting to turn around and walk away. He had to put as much distance between himself and this bastard or else he would snap his neck.

It was a good thing the arrest was happening this soon. A few more months with this guy and Bucky would have definitely had a murder on his hands.

……………………

He had been right. The bust went perfectly. As soon as the shipments started loading in, the DEA accompanied with a whole assortment of law enforcement officials came bursting in. Bucky even spotted Homeland Security. He wasn’t surprised. This was probably the biggest success New York law had seen in decades. No wonder everyone was there.

Bucky would never, for as long as he lived, forget the look on Darvey’s face. The shock. The horror. The sudden end of his very long reign. He wouldn’t forget the panic on Jake Matthews’ face. As Bucky watched the man be forced on his knees, he gritted his teeth. He had grown to like Jake a little bit. Despite the crimes he had committed, he wasn’t all that bad. For one thing, he had always cared for Y/N, treated her like a human rather than an object. He couldn’t even begin to fathom where Y/N was. What she was going through, watching her life of the past four years fall apart in front of her. It hadn’t been a good life, but it was her life nonetheless.

Steve had been a part of the team, as representative of the NYPD. Bucky felt a huge grin spread across his face at the sight of Steve sauntering towards him, navy blue vest in place, golden badge gleaming at his belt.

“How’ve you been, Buck?” He asked, pulling Bucky in for a hug. Bucky grinned, pulling away to look him over.

“Not bad.” He replied, nodding at the man that had followed behind Steve. Agent Sam Wilson, bullet proof jacket with the words ‘FBI’ proudly printed on the front. The man shot Bucky a grin of approval as they started walking.

“I have to say, Barnes. I might have underestimated you.” He spoke, walking out of the building. All around them, agents and officers had stormed the area, handcuffs clicking, people on their knees, shouting as officers struggled with some violent men. Bucky took in a deep breath. He couldn’t believe it. He had actually did it.

“I mean, four months? I had guessed it would be years. You’ve really proved yourself.” Wilson was still talking.

“Here,” Steve walked to a police car pulled next to the building, rummaging around for a vest with NYPD written on it in bold, white letters. Then, he reached into his pocket, pulling out something Bucky had missed more than he thought he would.

Bucky grinned, pulling the jacket on and buckling it, snatching the golden badge from Steve’s hand and hooking it to the jacket collar. It felt like a bittersweet reunion. Because no matter how much Bucky tried to savor his victory, his mind wouldn’t leave the girl who was probably in handcuffs right now.

“She’ll be okay.” Bucky jerked slightly at the sudden low voice next to his ear. He turned to look at Wilson, nodding slightly at his words.

“Come on now, Barnes. Your work isn’t finished.” He smirked, gesturing for Bucky and Steve to follow him.

The looks Bucky was getting didn’t unnerve him. In fact, it only made him more confident. He knew these people recognized him as Scott Finn. He hadn’t talked to a lot of them, but they knew who he was by now. They could see the ‘NYPD’ written on his jacket. They could see the badge on his collar, glowing against the rays of the sun. They were realizing, as they were dragged away with their hands behind their back, that Bucky had played them all this time. And there was nothing more satisfying than that.

Bucky took extreme pleasure in looking Zane in the eye as the blond was pushed past him. His eyes lingered on the jacket, on the badge, on the two men next to him. His expression twisted to one of rage as he pushed, resisting the officers dragging him in favor of stopping right in front of Bucky.

“You traitor.” He spat out. “I fucking knew it. I hope you burn in hell.”

Bucky smirked. “I’ll see you there, then.”

………………….

It was a good five hours before Bucky was finally alone.

He had returned to the precinct much to the utter shock of his colleagues. He knew they had all been fed lies about his death. His Captain, Steve, and the agents at the FBI that were assigned to the case were the only people aware of his existence. When the news of the bust became common knowledge, hoards of criminals being brought into the precinct for temporary lock up, everyone was beginning to realize what had actually happened.

For hours, Bucky had been in contact with the FBI, and had had numerous people walking up to congratulate him. He smiled at the familiar faces, not used to being the center of attention. After a while, the mental and physical exhaustion caught up to him, and Bucky just wanted to be alone.

There was only a single interrogation room in the precinct that still wasn’t occupied. It had been a struggle to get away before Sam gave him a look and a ‘I’ll handle it’ and sent him off. Bucky sat down on a chair in the room, sighing and closing his eyes. He leaned down until his cheek rested against the cold wood of the table, breathing deep.

He couldn’t get his mind off Y/N. He hadn’t seen her since their moment in the car. He knew he had promised her it wouldn’t be their last meeting. Maybe he had underestimated how chaotic the aftermath would be. Try as he would, Bucky couldn’t think of how he might be able to talk to her in private.

He came to the conclusion that he had to talk to Sam, since Sam was the only person who knew the truth about Y/N.

The door creaked open slightly, voices flooding into the space momentarily before it closed again. Bucky watched Steve walk towards him, not bothering to lift his head from the table.

“Tired?” He asked.

“You have no idea.” Bucky closed his eyes again.

He heard Steve chuckle as he leaned his hip against the table.

“I wanna ask how it was, but you don’t deserve that after everything that went down today.”

Bucky gave him a grateful smile.

“Where’s Sam?”

Steve shrugged. “No idea. He got pulled away for something about ten minutes ago. Why?”

Steve and Sam had known each other for a while before they both joined law enforcement. They were good friends, very loyal to each other. And Bucky might not know Sam well himself, but he knew he could trust Sam because Steve trusted him.

“No reason.” He replied.

Steve gently nudged his shoulder, coaxing him to sit up so he could look Bucky in the eye.

“It can’t be nothing.” He said. “You don’t look good. And I know it’s not just because you’re tired. There’s something bothering you, I can see that.”

Bucky stared at Steve for a bit, mind racing.

“There’s a girl.” He blurted out. “She worked for Darvey. She willingly gave me all the information that I needed. That’s why the bust happened so quickly.”

Steve’s face reflected recognition, nodding slowly.

“She was arrested too, of course.” Bucky went on. “It will be a reduced sentencing, considering the immense amount of cooperation. Sam guaranteed that. But I’m just worried if he’ll go through with it-”

“Sam will keep his word, Buck.” Steve interrupted. “He’s a good man.”

“I don’t doubt that. I know he is.” Bucky sighed. “I just- wanted to see her once before her trial.”

Steve frowned. “Why?”

Bucky gritted his teeth. There was no easy way to put this.

“Because I’m in love with her.”

Steve’s face paled before clouding with confusion and bewilderment. “What?”

“It just happened.” Bucky explained. “She a good person, Steve.”

“She’s a  _criminal_.” Steve was standing up straight now.

Bucky scowled. “She had no choice.”

Steve shook his head, looking at Bucky like he’d lost his mind. “No choice but to work for a mob boss and commit god knows what kind of crimes? There is always a choice.”

Bucky stood up. “Stop it. You don’t know the whole story.”

“I’m sure I don’t.” Steve lowered his voice a bit in order to calm Bucky down. “But no matter what, it doesn’t justify this. You’re a cop. She’s a convicted felon. If the FBI finds out about this-”

“I don’t give a crap about the FBI.” Bucky bit out, glaring at Steve. “I can’t believe this. You’re siding with them?”

“This isn’t about  _sides_ -”

“I’m not justifying any of this to you.” Bucky walked to the door. “I love her. I’m crazy about her. I don’t care if she’s in jail for one day, one year or one decade. I’ll wait for her my entire life if I have to.”

He didn’t look back at Steve as he walked out, door slamming shut behind him.


	11. Chapter 11

Thirteen years.

The sentence was long, had a lot of legal terms associated with it. But of everything the judge said, the only thing you took away was that you had been sentenced to thirteen years in prison.

You stood rock still, staring into space as the judge continued with specifications of the sentence. She was slouched over as she read from the paper before her, glasses sliding down her nose. Her voice reflected tiredness. You couldn’t exactly blame her. Between her and two other courtrooms, they had been dealing with the criminals of the Charles Darvey case for about two days now. Many people had had their trials before you, one of them being Jake Matthews.

You had crossed paths with Jake once since the arrest, and it hadn’t been pretty. He was handcuffed, of course, and was headed god knows where when you were pushed right past him. His eyes had met yours, your own catching the dark circles under his. A light purple bruise shone on his left cheek. When he recognized you, he immediately pushed against the guards, stopping long enough to look you over.

“Did you know?” He whispered.

You knew what he meant.  _Did you know he was a cop? Did you help him? Are you the reason my life is in tatters?_

Tears stung your eyes as you nodded.

Jake’s face twisted, eyes bloodshot and hair messed up. He was a tragic sight, face reflecting such hurt it knocked the wind out of you.

“For what it’s worth,” he choked out. “I was in love with you.”

Your mouth dropped open, body trembling as the guard gave him another push and forced him to keep walking. You stared at his retreating back, hunched over but tense. You felt a nudge against your shoulder, making you look back at the lanky officer that was given the duty of escorting you to the courtroom. He had a soft, almost sad expression on his face. You had no doubt he knew what you and Jake were talking about. Everyone seemed to know now that you had been the inside source that helped take down the empire.

The entire trial was a blur after that moment. You confessed to everything you had done. The judge had read a statement out loud about Bucky’s account of the mission. Your heart skipped at the words he had used, how highly he spoke of you. You couldn’t help the tears that escaped your eyes when the reading finished and the judge regarded you with soft eyes.

The original sentence had been 35 years. They reduced it to 13.

Your mind reeled with the weight of your thoughts. You felt a conflicted amount of emotions that you struggled to keep up with. You tried to rid your mind of Jake’s confession. It didn’t matter anymore. He was going to be in prison for life. You would be in there for more than a decade. You would most certainly never see him again.

Somehow, that fact became a problem after what he had said.

As you sat in the corner of your temporary grimy jail cell, you couldn’t help but think that Jake’s feelings added so much depth to all of his actions. Ever since you had been integrated into the mob, Jake had been your sole supporter. You and him had been partners for a long time. He had stood up for you every chance he got. His influence on the men had saved you from taunts and insults for a long long time. And you had been too stupid to realize it was more than just friendly care that made him look after you so much.

The guilt was too much to handle.

Before you knew it, a cry escaped your mouth, more tumbling past your lips as time passed. You lay on the floor, too physically and emotionally exhausted to even sit up, the warm concrete doing nothing to ease the ice gripping your heart. Your body hurled with sobs as you grieved. Grieved the loss of your life, albeit a shitty one. Grieved the loss of your sister, still at home, clueless to your current predicament and waiting for you to come see her. You grieved the loss of your one true friend, the weight of your betrayal acting like a ton of bricks against your chest, compressing your lungs and making it hard to breathe. You grieved the loss of your love, the man who had been the catalyst that ended your nightmare but at the same time started a whole new one.

At one point your emotions were so muddled that you couldn’t remember why you were crying anymore. All that you knew was that it was the only thing you could do.

………………….

You had never been inside a prison van before, not that it was much different from any other van.

It rattled and jolted under you, making you sway from side to side when taking a turn. There was a fully geared police officer sitting on the bench in front of you, a blank expression on his face. You watched him for a bit, feeling disappointment weigh on you.

You still remembered Bucky’s words. A promise echoing in your head. You had hoped he would keep it. But as time passed and you got closer and closer to your final destination, you felt your heart sink. He hadn’t been to see you even once. You had stayed in your temporary lock up cell for weeks, watching the narrow corridor outside through the iron bars, heart heavy with the hope that any minute, the door would squeak open and Bucky would come in.

Apparently, you had been wrong.

Your eyes stung with tears now, a familiar fear clouding your brain. The same fear that had been nagging at you for days. You refused to believe it, but you couldn’t help but wonder if Bucky had, in fact, just used you to fulfill his mission. He was a cop, after all. You were a wanted criminal with a shitty life and shittier morals. How hard was it to believe that Bucky had slept with you on purpose, warming you up enough for you to spill everything you knew? You knew the answer. Not hard at all.

Had you gone through everything just to learn that you didn’t mean anything to him after all? Your mind wandered back to Jake, back to the look on his face when you confirmed all his biggest fears. He looked like he had slapped, eyes filled to the brim with tears and lower lip wobbling slightly with the effort to not scream. You had always known Jake as a happy, positive person. Seeing that look on him made you want to rip your heart out.

Had you just betrayed Jake, smashed his life into a million pieces and stepped over everything he knew and cared about only to be played by a cop trying to bust a mob? It was a possibility, however terrifying and hurtful it was.

Every ticking second made that possibility more and more plausible.

You snapped back to reality when the van passed over a particularly high bump. You blinked slightly, furrowing your eyebrows. The van had been moving for ages, and it didn’t seem like it would stop anytime soon.

“Where are we going?” You asked the officer in front of you.

He gave you a look. “Prison.” He put emphasis on the word, as if you were too stupid to understand.

You didn’t even have the strength to throw him a nasty look. “Out of state?”

The officer nodded. “It’s two days away by car.”

You breathed deep. Two days. You were going to be two days away from New York. Your heart sank at the thought. The little spark of hope still left in your chest was now gone. There was no way you would see Bucky. You had been right. He had used you.

You couldn’t help your sniffling, tears flowing freely now. The officer eyed you but didn’t say anything. You cried silently as the engine rumbled on, the van moving more steadily and indicating that you had probably got on the highway.

………………..

A female officer and a woman in a suit were standing at the prison entrance when you clambered down from the van. Your wrists tugged at the handcuffs as you moved, a warm hand held your elbow, the officer next to you nodding to your two hosts when you stopped before them. The woman smiled.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” She spoke. “You’re a hero.”

You frowned at her. “What?”

She shook her head. “Just saying. Everyone in the country knows what you did by now. You’re all over the news. Needless to say, you’re a hero.”

You gritted your teeth slightly, not saying anything. If this was what being a hero felt like, you’d rather die.

“We’ll try to make everything as accommodating as possible. But at the same time, you are in a prison. You can’t expect it to be good. After all, you have to pay for the crimes you’ve committed.”

This woman talked a lot. You had concluded that about five seconds ago. As you both walked in, you took in your surroundings. This was going to be your home for the next ten years. You nearly snorted at the thought. Referring to prison as your home. Your life really had gone to shit.

“Sit.” The woman ordered, gesturing to a bench as you entered a small, square room. You silently sat down. The officer with you and the female officer left, leaving you alone in the room with the woman in the suit. She tapped on the screen of her phone for a few moments before walking to the door herself. She didn’t say anything as she left, making you huff and scowl. What the hell? This wasn’t your cell, was it? You had watched prisons on TV. This was like no prison cell you had seen before. For one thing, there was no bed, only benches lining two of the walls. You tapped your foot, closing your burning eyes to try and give them some relief.

The door squeaked open in a few minutes, making your eyes open to look towards it. You heart jumped all the way up to your throat when a tall figure walked in, closing the door behind him. You choked slightly as you tried to say something, standing up.

Bucky gave you a sad smile, walking closer to you.

“Hey.” He whispered, wrapping his arms around you. You sighed, closing your eyes and feeling his warmth fill your senses. His leather jacket made squeaking noises as it slid under your hands. You breathed in his scent, feeling your heart lurch at the familiarity of it.

“I thought-” Your throat closed up before you could finish your sentence, and Bucky squeezed your body.

“You thought wrong.” His lips moved against your hair. “I would never do that, Y/N. Don’t ever doubt me like that.”

You pulled away enough to look at him, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the slightly messed up hair.

“You look terrible.” You commented, making him snort and rest his forehead against your shoulder.

“Assholes didn’t tell me when you would be transferred.” He explained. “I got on the road as soon as I found out. Drove for two days.”

You ran a hand through his hair, running your other one over his tense shoulder. You couldn’t help your smile that your terrible assumptions had been proven wrong. Bucky was here now. He did care. He always had.

“I’ve been really busy.” He continued. “Had to be in a lot of hearings in the Courthouse myself. Zane threw a whole tantrum and nearly punched me. So they exceeded this sentence.”

You huffed out a mirthless laugh. “Speaking of Zane…”

“Don’t worry about Emma.” Bucky seemed to have read your mind. He led you both over to the bench, sitting down. “She’s still in witness protection. As is your dad, since she’s a minor. She still goes to school but there’s always someone who’s keeping a close eye on her.”

You sniffled and nodded, squeezing Bucky’s hand. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“Hey, no.” He wrapped an arm around you. “Don’t say that.”

You two were silent for a moment before you spoke again.

“Does she know?”

You felt Bucky nod against your head. “She wasn’t exactly surprised. I mean, she knew you were doing something illegal to be getting so much money. But I explained to her everything you did. She’s very proud of you.”

You pulled away enough to look at him. His eyes held nothing but sincerity. “Really?”

He nodded again.

There was a knock on the door, making you two shift away from each other. The woman from before poked her head in, giving you two a smile. “Two minutes.”

She shut the door behind her again. You and Bucky stood up, facing each other. You shuffled a bit awkwardly, making him chuckle before he tugged you nearer to him, pressing his lips to yours. You kissed him back with as much emotion as you could. You knew what you were about to ask of him was massive. So you wanted this kiss to tell him that you would always love him no matter what.

“Bucky,” you pulled away. “I have one more favor to ask.”

Bucky nodded. “Of course.”

“Don’t come to visit me.” You managed to choke out. “Not you or Emma.”

Bucky didn’t say anything for a moment, eyes wide. “W-what?”

You shook your head. “I can’t let you see me like that.”

“No.” Bucky’s voice was firm, his head already shaking to show his disapproval. “No way.”

“You have to.” You insisted. “Bucky, you don’t understand-”

“Fine, Emma won’t visit. I get that.” He interrupted. “But why me? Y/N-”

“Not you either.” You argued. “I can’t, Buck. I can’t see you and be reminded of what’s outside. It’s easier to just blot out what’s outside than to have the constant reminder that I would be out there if I hadn’t made all these mistakes.”

Bucky’s face scrunched. “That doesn’t even make any sense!”

The door was opening again, the female officer moving in to slap handcuffs on your wrists.

“Please, you need to understand.”

“I won’t do it.” Bucky’s voice was shaking by now, face hard but still carrying his desperation.

You turned a bit at the door so you could look at him. Tears blurred your vision, but you could never, for as long as you lived, forget the hurt on Bucky’s face.

“Then I’ll refuse visitation myself.”

You let the officer pull you out of the room with that last sentence. There was a strange ringing in your ears. As you moved from corridor to corridor, you felt like everything was happening in slow motion. You let the air consume you, and you let your brain shut down, operating mechanically to every instruction you were given henceforth.

Maybe if you detached yourself enough, it would hurt a little less.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Twelve years later_ **

The precinct was just as busy as it had always been, officers and civilians alike bustling around, coffee brewing in shitty old coffee makers, conversation flowing through the air, papers rustling as they were scanned, stuffed into files, signed and sent off. The phone at Steve’s desk was still ringing by the time Bucky got back to his desk. He gritted his teeth in annoyance, feeling a stab of pain in his forehead. He couldn’t believe someone could be so insistent. He glared at Steve from across the bullpen, hoping the heat in his gaze would be enough to make him turn around and walk to his desk to answer the call. But it wasn’t.

He let out a sigh of relief when the ringing stopped, shuffling through some papers at his desk. Bucky nearly ripped them in half when the phone started ringing again.

“Steve!” He called, making Steve turn around. He gestured to the phone, giving Steve a look of complete annoyance. Steve walked back to his desk, looking at Bucky in amusement.

“Rogers.” He answered the phone, making Bucky sigh and turn back to his work. The metal plates clicked and whirred in his arm as he worked, a noise he had gotten used to over the years. It had been a tough adjustment, but he wasn’t one to complain. He had one of the most advanced prosthetics in the country. He was just grateful for having it. In fact, he had gradually grown to like it. Clint said it made him look like a badass.

“Barnes!” Bucky looked up and his eyes met the Sergeant’s, who had just shuffled out of the Captain’s office. “Captain wants the paperwork for the Upton case.”

“On it.” Bucky called, moving faster with the papers in his hands. Steve was still talking on the phone, something about reassuring a woman about the burglary at her place.

Bucky stood up and walked over to the Captain’s office, giving him a smile and a nod as a greeting and placing the file on his desk. The Captain nodded back, still talking on the phone. Bucky didn’t say anything before walking right out, not wanting to disturb the man.

“I’m off for the day.” He called to Steve, grabbing his jacket and keys. “See you tomorrow.”

Steve raised his hand in a mock salute. “Say hi to Emma for me.”

Bucky nodded and walked to the elevator, waving at Natasha on the way. He sighed when he stepped into the quiet of the small space, running a hand through his hair. It was constantly in his face now, brushing against his shoulders. Emma had insisted he get a haircut, but he liked it this way. It felt amazing when the breeze moved through it, blowing it in his face.

Something deep in his mind told him that Y/N would like it too.

Picking up two pizzas and driving to Emma’s apartment was a weekly routine that Bucky didn’t really have to think about. He mindlessly sang along to some song on the radio, parking in front of the building. Emma buzzed him in and he ascended to her floor, being greeted by a grinning face when the door opened.

“Did you get extra cheese?” She asked, taking the pizza boxes from him. Bucky rolled his eyes but smiled anyway.

“Hello to you too.”

Emma didn’t have a problem taking the boxes in, since there wasn’t the extra burden of an oxygen tank anymore. She had gotten a lung transplant a few years ago, and her life expectancy had greatly increased. She was just like the rest of them now. The only remnant of her previous life was the scar on her chest. The large mark had taken some getting used to, but she wore it proudly now. It was a symbol of her bravery and her endurance. She was a survivor.

They moved inside, DVDs already set out on the coffee table. It looked like Emma was having a hard time choosing. She placed the boxes alongside them. Bucky followed behind her, flopping down onto the couch.

“How was work?” Bucky asked, making her snort.

“Same old. Same old. Closed a case today that had been going on for months. So I’m happy about that.”

Bucky smiled. “That’s great, Em. Good thing I’m here. Time to celebrate.”

Emma laughed and placed two beer bottles before them on the table while Bucky set up the movie.

Friday night movies was a tradition Bucky and Emma had had for as long as Bucky could remember. It had started soon after the Charles Darvey case came to a close, and had continued into Emma’s college years. Now, she was a successful lawyer working at a firm Bucky couldn’t ever remember the name of, but the tradition had continued almost religiously. Not that Bucky minded. Friday was his favorite day of the week. He refused to believe it was for selfish reasons, even though Emma reminded him so much of the one person who had never left his mind in twelve years. They were so alike in so many ways. If Bucky was really drunk and closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that she was right there.

Emma seemed to understand how much these movie nights meant to him, because she would always clear her schedule for Fridays. If her presence could make the hole in his heart feel a little smaller, she would continue being there. And Bucky was eternally grateful for that.

“It’s your birthday next week.” She spoke as the opening credits rolled on. “Thirty six?”

Bucky nodded, pulling a face when Emma snorted.

“Wow, you’re really old.”

He only nudged her in response. It wasn’t new for Emma to mock him for being an old man. It was all harmless fun, though, so he didn’t mind. The conversation turned to other idle topics, movie forgotten as always. The more booze that entered his system, the more Bucky’s thoughts traveled back. He wasn’t conscious of when he started to babble about Y/N, or when Emma turned the movie off and led him to the spare bedroom. All he remembered was a bright smile, and a flicker of eyelashes in the dappled sunlight of a little cabin in the Pine Barrens.

…………………

The chatter in the cafeteria served as background noise as you scarfed down your meal. It was a long standing strategy you had come up with to try and avoid tasting the food or else you’d barf. Nobody else seemed to mind the taste, which was shocking to you. It had been thirteen years since you had been here and it still tasted like shit. You couldn’t understand how your fellow inmates had gotten used to it. You never asked though. That was a self made rule of a federal prison. Unless you want your ass beat, keep your mouth shut.

You finished in record time, pushing the plate away from you slightly and sitting back. Food was merely a necessity at this point. You ate because you had to live. There was no other purpose. The woman next to you was still eating, almost at a leisurely pace. She chewed slower when your eyes met, smirking. She knew how much you hated when she did that.

“Fuck off.” You pursed your lips, making her snort and turn back to her plate. You emptied your water bottle, clearing your throat.

“Tomorrow’s the big day.” Your only friend, Debra, the one sitting next to you, said. You nodded, smiling at her. It was true. Today marked the last day of your prison sentence. As of tomorrow morning, you would be a free woman. It was almost too surreal to believe, but it was true, and it was happening.

Debra pinched your side, making you slap her hand away. “You lucky bitch.”

You laughed, shaking your head. You didn’t reply to her. You didn’t know what to say. Debra was in prison for four counts of first degree murder. Needless to say, she wasn’t going anywhere for a long time. She wasn’t exactly upset about that either. She didn’t have family, or friends. Or maybe she did, and she didn’t tell you. You had done the same. You couldn’t risk having high profile criminals know you had a sister. Nobody here really discussed their lives prior to landing in prison. Maybe they had the same thought process as you. Detach yourself from all that your life had been.

The next day couldn’t come fast enough. There was a guard waiting at your cell when you woke up. She escorted you all the way across the prison. They gave you the clothes you had worn when you came to the prison. As you pulled them on, you realized they were looser on you, considering how much weight you had lost, but they gave you a sense of comfort when they touched your skin. When you were led out of the prison, the handcuffs on your wrists removed for the very last time, you couldn’t help the smile that overtook your face. It was over. Your long and grueling nightmare had come to an end.

Your entire being seemed to buzz when you walked down the sidewalk along the wall of the prison. You took your time, ears ringing with the sound of revving engines and blaring horns. It was typical city noise, but to your starved ears, in sounded like angels singing a symphony. Never had you counted on missing something as mundane as this. It was true. Nobody really acknowledged the value of things until they were taken away from them.

Down the road from your place of captivity, a woman was kind enough to give you a quarter so you could use the payphone. As you dialed the number your fingers automatically punched, you prayed that it hadn’t gone out of service. Your heart leaped into your throat when you heard it ringing on the other end.

The click that sounded meant that the other person had picked up the call. Your heart raced in anticipation, your mouth dry. You were almost afraid you wouldn’t be able to speak when a voice sounded at the other end.

“Hello?”

……………….

Your hands were warming where your palms pressed against the styrofoam cup which you eagerly took sips from. The barista was announcing another name so they could pick up their order. It was midday, so the cafe was more or less empty. You tapped your foot slightly, a nervous habit. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything, so you just stared.

He had changed almost drastically since the last time you had seen him. For one, his hair was longer, almost down to his shoulders and parted from the middle. He was much more built now, muscular beyond belief. But his eyes. His eyes were the same. Kind and regarding, the same shade of blue that you thought about every night for thirteen years.He was staring down at his own cup. You followed his gaze, eyebrows rising when you saw his left hand shining silver.

“What-” You cleared your throat, gesturing. He looked up at you when you spoke, shifting and nodding.

“It’s a prosthetic.” He confirmed. “The whole arm.”

Your mouth fell open, eyes softening. “What happened?”

Bucky took a sip of the coffee, pursing his lips. “I was chasing down a high profile arsonist for a case. Long story short I was trapped in a burning building and the arm didn’t survive. Too many fourth degree burns. They had to cut it off before the infection spread.”

You took a deep breath as Bucky pulled his sleeve up slightly, showing you the metal plates that joined together to make the arm, disappearing under the sleeve. You admired the making. You had never seen a prosthetic like this before. It moved as if it were a part of him, and it was even slightly unsettling.

“Sam pulled some strings to have this arm made for me. It’s much more advanced than anything in the market. Tony Stark made it. He’s an engineer. Very good at his job.” Bucky explained when you gave him a blank look. Of course you didn’t know Tony Stark. Prison didn’t leave much room for worldly updates.

You nodded, not knowing what to say. You and Bucky fell into silence once more, drinking your coffee. After shitty prison food for thirteen years, it was the best thing you had ever tasted. You relished the smell and the taste. You hadn’t realized how much you would miss a nicely brewed cup of coffee.

“I have to get back to work.” Bucky said, suddenly. “I’ll drop you off at Emma’s.”

You stood up as he did, heart jolting at the mention of your sister. “How is she?” You asked eagerly.

“Good.” He replied. He turned to walk out of the cafe before you could say anything else, making you hurry to follow behind him. It was blunt. Curt. You knew why he was acting this way. Why it was awkward. You knew you had to talk this through with him. It was killing you.

“You’re being short with me.” You stated once you were in the car and the engine purred to life. You watched his jaw tick, meaning he was gritting his teeth.

“I don’t know what else you expected.” He replied, still not looking at you. His voice was tight, like he was restraining himself. You gulped. Bucky had never spoken to you this way. The unfamiliarity made your heart hurt.

“Bucky,” you sighed. “You need to understand-”

“Well, I don’t understand.” He interrupted, voice raising slightly. “I’ve tried understanding for thirteen years, and I still don’t have any explanation, other than you being selfish.”

You didn’t reply, unable to look at him. You stared out the windshield. “I’m sorry.”

His laugh was short and sarcastic. “Sorry doesn’t cut it.”

“I know.” You resigned. “I know that.”

The rest of the car ride was silent. You had no other words. There was no quick fix for this. It had been too long ago. This would need time, and maybe, even after that, things wouldn’t be okay. Maybe Bucky wanted nothing to do with you. You squeezed your eyes shut, gritting your teeth to stop that train of thought. You couldn’t afford to think about losing Bucky right now. You had just got him back.

Hadn’t you?

You watched Bucky pull up next to an apartment building. He walked out and towards the building, you silently following behind him. When you were at the door of the apartment, Bucky used a key to open it for you.

“She isn’t home right now.” He said. “She has work.”

You nodded, turning to look at him. He didn’t look at you, opting to shuffle back.

“You’ll come by after work?” You asked, not being able to help the hope in your voice.

He shrugged a bit. “I don’t know. I might have to work late.”

He didn’t say anything else, not letting you speak before he turned around and walked back to the elevator. When you had shut the door behind you, you leaned against it. The tears were pooling in your eyes, and the effort to not cry made it harder to breathe. You hadn’t been looking forward to a Welcome Back party, but you didn’t expect Bucky to be so cold either. Your last interaction flashed back in your mind and you sighed.

You hadn’t left Bucky on a happy note. You had asked him to stay away for thirteen years. A week later you had denied visitation. It was your fault both of you were like this now. You wanted to blame your exhaustion and heavy heart at the time for the decision you had made, but it was your fault. You knew it.

You moved into the apartment, looking around at how it was set. But your mind was still on the man that had just left, the man your heart still ached for. Your chest squeezed when you realized that you might have severed the last of your rocky relationship with your own hands.

……………..

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

You stared at the huge grey building, the stone lumbering way above your head and blocking the sun. Large, wire fences topped with barbed wire encircled the area, and from the distance, you could see inmates clad in grey colored clothes, milling about in the courtyard.

Emma’s car smelled like a freshly mowed lawn; airy, flowery, and a characteristic tinge that was individual to her alone. The leather squeaked under you as you shifted, staring at the building making up this particular prison.You turned back to look at Emma behind the steering wheel, smiling at her.

“I kind of have to. It’s a closure I need very desperately.”

She nodded, smiling slightly. “How long are you getting?”

“Twenty minutes.”

She nodded, leaning back. “I’ll be here, okay? You don’t have to spend the whole twenty minutes if you don’t want to. We can leave anytime you want.”

You nodded. “Thanks Em.”

You leaned forward to plant a kiss on her forehead, a force of habit that had existed throughout Emma’s life, and that you refused to let go of now. She didn’t seem to mind though, judging by the smile that had taken over her face.

The prison people were kind, something you certainly weren’t expecting. As the guard led you to the visiting room, he admitted that no one else had visited this person since their time started. The fact didn’t make anything better. In fact, it made you feel worse. You kind of expected it, though. No wonder no one visited him. His entire family was in prison too.

You sat in the visiting room, watching inmates walk in from a door and sit down at various different tables where their visitors sat. You jumped slightly everytime the door clicked open, deflating when it turned out to be a stranger, and not who you were there for.

You tensed when he finally walked through the door, his eyes scanning the place to see who was here to see him. When they came to rest on yours, you stood up. His face showed shock, disbelief, and a myriad of emotions you couldn’t place. He slowly walked over to you, coming to a stop just before you.

Your last memory of Jake Matthews had been when he had confessed his love to you, in a Courthouse during the Charles Darvey trials. He had looked disheveled then, out of place and completely watered down. Today, he looked better, though still not as happy as his usual self. You doubted he would ever be the Jake you had known.

“Well, you’re a sight for sore eyes.” He smiled, gesturing for you to take a seat. You didn’t reply to him, still processing his words as you shakily sat down. He sat right next to you on the bench, giving you a smile.

“This wasn’t the reaction I expected.” You let out a laugh. Jake was still smiling, much more relaxed now, and it was so familiar, you felt a pang in your chest.

“Stop looking at me like that unless you want me to bawl like a baby.” You joked.

Jake huffed out a laugh. “You look good.” His smile was softer now, less teasing and more genuine. He let his eyes wander over you once before meeting your own stare.

You shrugged. “I was released about a week ago.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” You nodded.

You shuffled your feet a bit. “How long- um.. Will you-”

Jake shook his head. “I’m here for life.”

You gritted your teeth. This was why you were here. The guilt, it had never left you. It was like two heavy weights always persistent on your shoulders. That was why you had to see Jake. You had thought about it in prison. You couldn’t live your life knowing how you’d left it with Jake. You had to see him one more time.

“Jake,” you began. “I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”

“Are you, though?” He asked. “Do you regret it?”

You looked up at him. His face held no malice. His tone wasn’t mocking. He was genuinely asking you. And you wouldn’t lie to him. Not anymore.

“I feel guilty all the time.” You replied. “I did you so wrong. You were my friend. You didn’t deserve that.”

Jake shook his head. “Prison might not treat a lot of people kindly, but I’ve actually learned a few things here. The most important being just how wrong my family was. How wrong I was.”

You listened silently, coaxing him to continue.

“It might not have been my fault how I was raised. But that doesn’t mean it was right. I’ve realized that now. It wasn’t the arrest that really hurt me. It was the person who caused it.” He looked at you. Still, there was no accusing tone. There was no hatred.

You sighed, nodding your head. “Yeah, that’s all I’m good at nowadays. Hurting people.”

“You want to talk about it?”

A shocked laugh burst out of you. “You’re in prison, Jake. No offense, but your life right now is way worse than mine. How are you still trying to help me?”

Jake smiled then, and something about it was almost sad. “What can I say? Old habits die hard.”

Your eyes darted between his own, tears pooling in them. You wiped them a bit, shrugging.

“Sorry for the waterworks.”

Jake shook his head, reaching for your hand. “Stop apologizing to me.”

You nearly said sorry again, laughing and shaking your head. Jake laughed with you.

“Time’s almost up.” You heard a voice sound behind you. Both you and Jake stood up, turning to each other.

“It was great seeing you.” He spoke, smiling still. It was a characteristic Jake habit, a permanent smile had become part of his features. “I know this is the last time I’ll see you. And that’s okay. I’m glad I got to see you at all.”

You couldn’t help but pull him into a hug, one which he instantly returned.

“How are you still so amazing?” You mumbled, feeling his body shake with his laughter.

“Can’t help it.” He pulled back enough to brush his nose with yours. For a split second, he pressed his lips to yours, pulling away before you could react.

He stared at you for a bit, as if searching for a reaction. You took in a shaky breath, giving him a smile. He reciprocated it, muscles relaxing. You gave him another hug.

“That’s enough touching.” The same guard from before said, making you step away from Jake. He looked you over once more, as if trying to commit this memory to heart. You wondered what he was feeling right now, unable to imagine what he was going through. You had always known how smart and nice Jake was. But looking at him now, you realized you had greatly underestimated how brave he was. No one you knew could live the life he was living and still be so positive. No one you knew could be like him.

“Have a good life, Y/N.” Those were his last words, before a guard put a hand on his elbow to lead him away. He shot you one last smile and a wink before disappearing through the metal door.

Emma thought it best not to ask questions when you returned to the car in tears. She let you cry the rest of the way home. Cry over the loss of a good friend, of an amazing partner, and a loyal colleague. From that point onward, Jake Matthews would continue to live his life in prison, day in and day out. His heart had been kind enough to give you the closure you needed. You could not understand how he was so gracious, but you would never stop being thankful.

You wished things had been different. Maybe Jake would still be a part of your life if fate wasn’t so cruel. But it was reality you had to accept. It was the only way you could move on. Jake wanted you to be happy. It was the least you could do for him.


	13. Chapter 13

When you walked out of your room that night, Emma was pulling out a bunch of DVDs and placing them on the coffee table. You blinked as you watched her microwave popcorn, rushing to the fridge to grab a six pack of beer.

“Bucky will be here any minute.” She announced.

You perked up at the words. “Bucky’s coming?”

You hadn’t seen Bucky since you were released a week ago. You were sure he was avoiding you, and you didn’t blame him. You weren’t exactly winning any Girlfriend of The Year awards right now.

Emma nodded at your question. “Yeah. Friday is always movie night.”

You couldn’t help but deflate slightly at that, nodding. “He’s coming to see you?”

Emma stopped what she was doing to look at you, frowning. “It’s not like that. He’s coming to see you too.”

You walked to the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water. The small spark of hope in your chest seemed to be dying again. “Don’t worry about it Em. I’ll be out of your hair.”

You didn’t bother listening to her call your name. You walked back to the room Emma had set for you, shutting the door behind you.

The laptop was still open when you sat down on the bed. You placed the glass of water you had poured for yourself on the side table, turning to the screen. You read through the job advertisement, pursing your lips. You were glad that you didn’t need much of a degree for it, since you didn’t have one. The website was dark, big white letters on top reading ‘ANVIL’. It was a private security company headed by one William Russo, an ex Marine. ANVIL checked your skills and training on the spot, which you were very good at. It was the first job you had searched for that you knew you would actually like doing. Not many other places caught your eye. You weren’t really interested in minimum wage jobs right now. If you wanted to pay half the rent of this huge, pretty apartment Emma lived in, you would have to get a better job. By the looks of it, ANVIL might be your only option.

You mentally crossed your fingers that they wouldn’t have a problem with your felony record. You couldn’t be sure until you gave them a try. You wrote down the address and the contact info on a small white pad you found in your bedside drawer, making a mental note to call for more details first thing in the morning.

There was a knock on the door, making you look up as the door opened. You were surprised when Bucky’s large frame filled the doorway.

“Can I come in?” He asked, making you nod. You watched him walk into the room, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. You placed the pen and the notepad down on the table again.

“What are you looking at?” He asked.

You silently turned the laptop so it faced him, and he hummed as he gazed at the website.

“You’re thinking of trying for ANVIL?” You nodded.

“That’s good. It’s a good company. Pays well.”

“So I should look more into this?” Bucky nodded.

“If you want, I can put in a good word with Russo. I know him.”

You shrugged. “You don’t have to do that.”

“It’ll be a pleasure.” Bucky raised a hand to stop further protesting. Silence took over the conversation. You fiddled with the hem of your shirt.

“I’m sorry about the way I acted last time.” He spoke. “I was angry, and hurt. But it wasn’t okay to take it out on you.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay. I can understand why. I’m sorry too. And I know that doesn’t really make a difference, but I’ll make it up to you. All I need is a chance.”

Bucky smiled at you, for the first time in thirteen years. Your breath hitched at the sight, at the little crinkles by his eyes that weren’t there a decade ago. There was a spark in those eyes that hadn’t been there the last time, and that made your heart jolt. You smiled back.

“Why don’t we start by watching a movie?” He asked, standing up. “It’s relatively new, so I know you haven’t seen it. But I know it’s something you’ll like.”

You smiled and nodded. “I’d love to join.”

……………….

Your heart was still racing as you exited the huge building, your breaths coming rapidly to try and catch up with it. One of your hands was clenched tightly around the file in your hand while the other was balled into a fist as you briskly walked down the many steps leading away from ANVIL’s offices. Your whole body was buzzing, and it took every effort to not smile like an idiot. You didn’t want people to think you were a lunatic.

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise when you spotted Bucky’s broad figure leaning against his car across the road.

“What are you doing here?” You enquired as you approached him, making him stand straighter.

“I wanted to check on you.” He gestured to the building behind you. “How’d it go?”

You grinned at him, walking to the passenger seat and sliding into the car, Bucky following suit.

“It was so awesome! They had me fire guns and do some hand to hand, and I was a little rusty but they said I would work on it before I got out to do jobs, and that I was still very good. Better than anyone else there, Russo said so himself. He told me to wait for the call, but I’m pretty sure I got it.”

Bucky returned your excited smile. “That’s so great! How’re you going to celebrate?”

You shrugged, pursing your lips. “Dunno yet. Maybe I’ll make dinner. You can come over?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never seen you cook.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t really an option back then, was it?” Your voice grew quieter as you spoke, smile fading. Memories of your previous horrible life still seemed to leave a sour taste in your mouth, even after so long. You knew it had happened, so it was a part of you. You needed to embrace it and move on. But it was easier said than done.

A small silence followed your words and you watched the cars drive by outside.

“I wonder when I’ll get to talk about it without wanting to shoot myself.” You mused.

“Well, I’m not sorry it happened.” Bucky’s words made you turn to him in surprise.

“I’m not sorry because if it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have met you.” He continued. “I know it sucked. And the aftermath was really bad. But the keyword is ‘was’. It’s over now. Dwelling on it won’t do any of us any good.”

You nodded your head slowly, pursing your lips. “I know you’re right.”

“Besides,” a teasing smirk took over Bucky’s face. “It wasn’t all that bad, was it?” He gestured towards himself.

You snorted and reached a hand out to poke him, making him laugh. The sound made your heart leap, and a pang in your chest made you realize how much you’d missed it.

“Yeah, it wasn’t.” You two exchanged a smile.

Bucky dropped you off at Emma’s apartment and went off back to work, promising to have dinner with the two of you that night. You hummed as you walked in, placing your key in the bowl in the lobby and walking off to your room to change into more comfortable clothes. Soon enough, you would be out of this place and buying your own. As much as you loved being around Emma, you always felt like a burden here, despite her continuously assuring you that you weren’t. You had always considered yourself to be independent, and using everything that belonged to her just didn’t sit well with your principles.

You found a few tasty looking recipes online for a three course meal and to your delight, almost all the ingredients were ones you already had. The ones you didn’t weren’t too important, and could be replaced by others, so it wouldn’t affect the recipe. You set out to work, falling into an easy rhythm that allowed peace to settle in your bones.

It was just getting dark when the phone rang, making you pause what you were doing. It turned out to be Emma, calling to let you know she would be working late and to go ahead and have dinner without her. The vibe in the room seemed to change after the call. You shifted on your feet.

Would Bucky be okay with having dinner with you alone? It seemed so intimate, and as much as you wanted it, you didn’t know if he was ready. You continued making dinner, setting Emma’s share aside so she could heat it up when she got home. You tensed when the doorbell rang, knowing who it was and preparing yourself for him apologizing and leaving when he was made aware of the situation.

Bucky frowned at you when you opened the door. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

You choked out a laugh, stepping aside to let him in.

“Smells good, Y/N.” He grinned. “Where’s Emma?”

“She’s not here.” You replied. “I’m sorry. She called in to say she was working late. I didn’t plan this, I swear-”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Bucky stepped forward, placing his hands on your arms to stop your rambling. “Hey, it’s okay. Why are you panicking?”

You shrugged. “You said you wanted to take it slow.”

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. “Y/N, we  _are_  taking it slow. Having dinner is good. We can talk. We haven’t done much of that since you got back. I’m fine with it.”

You smiled. “Really?”

Bucky nodded. “Really. And besides, taking it slow doesn’t mean I don’t want to be around you. I always want to be around you.”

You smiled, feeling giddy and nodding. You had to physically restrain yourself from touching Bucky. You had never wanted to kiss him so bad. You craved it. You wondered if he would still feel the same, if your heart would still stop when his lips would meet yours. You wondered if he would still touch you like you were the only person on the planet. You wondered if he would respond to your touch the same way he used to. You wondered when you would be able to do all of that again, if ever.

Instead of letting your thoughts be known, you walked over to the kitchen, movements jerky as you started putting the dishes together.

“Could you set the plates?” You asked, making Bucky nod.

The silence was comfortable and the kitchen was warm, both elements making you feel cozy and peaceful. You couldn’t believe this was your life now. Two months ago you were laying in a grimy old prison cell with a withered blanket to cover your cold feet, not being able to sleep because of your cellmate’s snores. Now, you were in a warm, brightly lit kitchen, delicious smells wafting through the air, the love of your life moving behind you, plates clinking as he placed them on the table. The feeling of him being there, the sound of him shuffling behind you was enough to have your nerves calm and steady, your heartbeat slow. It was so overwhelming all at once, you had to stop and take a breath.

“You okay?” He asked, making you nod and rapidly blink your tears away.

“I’m fine.” You smiled up at him. “I’m just happy.”

Bucky’s eyes darted between your own, hand holding a single, ceramic plate. Before you knew it, he had stepped forward, prosthetic metal arm wrapping around your waist as his lips pressed to yours.

You took in a sharp breath, surprised at the sudden action. It took you just a moment to kiss back, hands cupping his jaw. The feeling made you both moan. It was so familiar, yet so new. Your heart was ready to burst, your hands trembling as they wrapped around his neck, body molding with his. Both his arms held you close, one cold and the other warm, the contrast so amazing against your clothed skin, it made you tingle.

Your head was spinning when your lips parted, eyes fluttering open to look at his own. You felt like you were on cloud nine. No amount of alcohol or drugs could affect you the way Bucky could. He was your drug.

“So much for taking it slow.” You choked out.

Bucky squeezed you impossibly closer to him, nose nudging yours. “Fuck slow. God, I missed you.”

You couldn’t help your giggles, biting your lip to try and stop, but not being able to. Bucky huffed and kissed you again, your laughter dissolving in his mouth. You hummed and kissed him back, hands moving up to run through his now long hair. You gave it a tug, making him tense.

“Best if we stop now.” He mumbled against your lips. His voice was an octave lower than usual, and it made your breath hitch. That voice was all too familiar. The events it led up to were all too familiar as well. You didn’t reply with words, only nodding.

The entire atmosphere seemed to have changed since the kiss, but in the best way possible. The conversation was lighter and more intimate, there was touching involved during dinner, and Bucky’s hand wouldn’t go too long without brushing against yours. The feeling of knowing you still meant as much to him as he meant to you made your heart fill with a warmth you hadn’t experienced in so, so long. You had nearly forgotten it. It was like a whole new territory you were exploring.

You loved every second of it, and when you both sat down in the living room afterwards, bellies full and bodies buzzing with such warmth and tranquility, you couldn’t help but smile.

“What?” Bucky asked. You turned your head to find him already looking at you, making you shake your head, that ridiculous smile still on your face.

“Nothing.” You replied. “I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.”

Bucky chuckled, sliding an arm under you to pull you closer to him. You shifted, throwing a leg over his lap to straddle his hips, arms wrapped around him and head resting on his shoulder.

“Well I can.” He replied. You smiled a bit, nuzzling his neck.

“And when was I this happy last?” You asked, a teasing tone in your voice.

Bucky’s hand was running up and down your back, fingers caressing your clothed skin. “It was a Thursday if I recall correctly. November. A small cabin in the Pine Barrens. Quiet little place. There was a bed, and two blankets, and two people there.”

Your grin was wide enough to split your face by then. You pressed your mouth to his skin, feeling his pulse against your lips. “Two people, huh?”

He hummed in agreement, his hand coming to rest in your hair. He scratched your scalp lightly, affection shining through the action. “Yup. Two very, very naked people.”

A laugh burst out of you and you shifted so you could look into his eyes. You couldn’t help but run a hand through his hair. It was silky under your touch. “How happy could I have been? I didn’t have any of this glorious hair to touch.”

Bucky mock frowned at you, pretending to be offended. “Oh, so my hair is the only good thing about me?”

“Unfortunately.”

Bucky poked your sides, making you let out a giggle. You couldn’t help yourself, leaning forward to press your lips to his. He immediately kissed you back, sighing against your lips.

“I’m still in love with you.” You whispered. You couldn’t not say it. You felt like your heart would burst if you didn’t.

“I’m still in love with you too.” Bucky replied, his forehead leaning against yours. You smiled at his words, a giddy feeling in your chest. This was it. This was, undoubtedly, the happiest moment of your life. Nothing could ever top this. You doubted you would ever feel more at peace than you did now.

Maybe fate wasn’t so cruel after all.

……………….

You were woken up by a humming sound coming from a distance. Your eyes blinked open and you stretched, back cracking and toes separating. You lay pliant for a little while before you opened your eyes again, lifting your head slightly to look around.

Bucky was standing in the middle of the room, a small towel in his hand. He ran the towel through his wet hair, shaking his head. Droplets traveled down his bare torso and you followed them with your eyes, sitting up. He kept humming a song, too engrossed in what he was doing to see that you were awake.

You and Bucky had talked well into the night, and you insisted that he stay over. He couldn’t say no when you pulled a pleading face, and you two fell into bed, still fully clothed and not caring about how uncomfortable the clothes were. Bucky told you about the precinct, how he’d been bumped up into Homicide a few years ago because he kept solving old murder cases that others couldn’t. After that, Officer quickly changed to Detective, and here he was. In exchange, he insisted you tell him about life in prison. You knew he meant well. Blotting it out would only damage you in the long term. You had to accept that it was a big part of your life. So you started talking.

You told him about the first year there, when everything was new and you didn’t know what to do. There was more to prison than you had anticipated. It was so hard to talk to people in case you said something wrong and aggravated them. And it was also impossible to be alone. The ones who were alone always took the brunt of the other inmates’ anger.

Having Debra as a friend was enough to keep anyone at bay, much to your relief. No one really wanted to mess with her. One of the four murders she had committed was an inmate while she was in prison, so people tended to stay away from her. And as a result, they stayed away from you.

You talked about how lonely the nights were, how hard it was to fall asleep. You were always afraid something bad would happen, and your paranoia never really died down, though it eased a bit over the years. You never let yourself get comfortable though. It was a temporary stay, and you let it be that way. You let yourself think ahead to when you would be released, when you would see Bucky again. That was the only thing that made the days go by.

You couldn’t pinpoint when you and Bucky drifted off, but it had been very late. Now it was morning again, and here you were, watching Bucky try to dry his hair quickly so he wouldn’t be late for work.

Your eye caught the shining silver arm holding the towel, taking a deep breath. This was the first time you were seeing it in its entirety, and it seemed fascinating to you. Silently, you left the bed, trudging over to where he stood, back to you. Reaching up, you let your fingers ghost over the point where the arm met skin. Bucky tensed at the touch, relaxing when he realized it was you. He stayed still as your hand moved over the tender, red skin. You stepped closer to him, replacing your fingers with your lips.

You felt him shiver against you, making you wrap your arms around him, gently pressing your palms to his chest. His hands, both the flesh and metal one, intertwined with yours, pressing his lips to your fingers.

“I love you.” You whispered into his skin, moving until one of your hands ran down his bionic arm, feeling the plates click as they minutely moved under your touch. Your fingers intertwined with the cool, hard fingers. “I love all of you.”

He understood immediately what you meant, relaxing. It was strange, almost uncanny how well you two still understood each other. He was hesitant, almost afraid that the arm would freak you out. But it didn’t. And you let him know that explicitly.

Bucky turned around finally, wet hair shining under the light. He smiled when your eyes met, leaning down to press his lips to yours.

It was soft. Tender. Sweet. Chills ran up your spine, following Bucky’s hands as they traveled up your back under your shirt. One of your hands still rested on his prosthetic, fiddling with the sharp edges, running over the sensitive skin where it joined his body. The other reached up to run through his still damp hair, tugging at it. He tensed at the feeling, making you smile. It was a reaction you learned he gave almost every time you teased his hair, and you loved to get it out of him.

You peppered a trail of kisses down his jaw and neck, before wrapping him up in a hug again. Both of you swayed a little on the spot, relishing in each others’ company.

“You have no idea how much it pains me to say this, but I have to get to work.” Bucky mumbled, reluctantly pulling away. You giggled and nodded.

“It’s okay, I have to work on some documents anyway. For ANVIL.” You leaned against the dresser and watched Bucky put a shirt on, buttoning it up. “You’ll come by after?” You asked.

Bucky smiled. “Why is that a question?”

He laid one final kiss on your lips, pecking them a few times before he walked towards the door. He turned just before leaving.

“Hey,” he called, making you raise an eyebrow. “I love you.”

You giggled. “I love you too. Now go.”

You only moved when the front door slammed shut, flopping down on the bed over the messily strewn blankets. You were still smiling, and you didn’t know if you could stop.


	14. Epilogue

The air was practically buzzing with the sound of reporters yelling into microphones. The wind made it harder to decipher any of their words, not that you wanted to. You didn’t have time to try and understand what they were saying. You had somewhere to be.

It wasn’t hard to get past all the people and the cameras. You gradually had learned to slide through small spaces the longer you worked in this job. Whereas the reporters were struggling to try and get into the building, the hotel security let you in straight away. It only took one glance at the white laminated card pinned to your suit pocket, the words ‘ANVIL’ written on it in big, black letters. Your platform heels clicked against the marble floor, echoing in the relative quietness of the lobby. Your eye immediately caught that of Dylan, your partner for this assignment. He raised an eyebrow, eyeing your suit.

“Are my eyes deceiving me?” His tone was teasing. “You’re actually in proper clothes?”

You pinched is arm hard through his own suit, making him cackle. It wasn’t usual that you dressed in suits like everyone else at ANVIL. Russo, your boss, had a soft spot for you and an admiration for your work, so he let you wear whatever you wanted. Mostly, you would show up in your signature black jacket and skinny jeans. But today was an important event. It wasn’t every day that the Governor hired a private security team. It was a big day for ANVIL, lots of press. You didn’t want to look sloppy.

“Is it because the fiancé is here?” Dylan guessed as you walked to the elevators. You gave him a look, making him shake his head.

“Okay, it’s  _partly_  because the fiancé is here.” He corrected, making you smirk.

“I just wanted to look nice.” You pressed the button to the highest floor, the elevator doors closing behind you two.

The mention of Bucky did put a smile on your face. He was going to be here along with his Captain, since this area was under their precinct. Homeland Security had requested assistance, and who were they to decline. ANVIL as a private security company was the Governor’s decision, Homeland Security and NYPD were standard protocol.

The hallway was more or less empty except at the very end. The dark brown double doors were blocked from view by a number of people. Your eye picked out Billy Russo immediately, who gestured you to come over.

“You and Dylan will be inside.” He said in a way of greeting. “Y/N, take the window. Dylan, stand by the door. There’s no high level risk. It’s just a very publicized interview, that’s why all the people are here.” He shrugged, and you heard a tiny voice scream in his earpiece. Russo rolled his eyes and motioned for you to move inside. “I have some stuff to take care of. Go.”

You nodded and moved into the room. It was spacious, with two couches in the center facing each other, a coffee table in between. Two water bottles and clear glasses sat on the table. Two large windows were carved into the opposite wall, covered with see through off white curtains. Between the windows stood a large fireplace. Both windows had two people on each side. The window on the right was already covered by two people. Your eyes caught their telltale way of standing, letting you know it was Homeland Security. You looked to the other window and pursed your lips to hide your smile. There was only one person standing there, clad in a navy blue jacket with the NYPD logo on it.

You moved to stand next to him by that window, nodding as professionally as you could.

“Sergeant Barnes.” You greeted, not being able to help the amused tone in your voice. He didn’t bother hiding his own smirk, as you turned and stood still.

“Miss Y/L/N.” He replied.

It took every effort in you to not grin like an idiot. It wasn’t often that both you and Bucky worked the same job. Security wasn’t his main line of work, and it was only during occasions like this that NYPD made an appearance. Even then, it was his first time doing something like this, since he just got promoted to Sergeant. He was looking at you with a strange sort of glint in his eyes, making you discreetly raise an eyebrow.

“What?” You asked.

Bucky looked forward as more people walked into the room holding cameras to start setting up.

“When did you get that suit?” He asked.

You shrugged. “I had it tailored about a week ago. It came yesterday.”

Bucky stood rock still, shoulders pushed back proudly, hands clasped behind his back in attention. “Hope it wasn’t too expensive. Because I’m ripping it off you when we get home tonight.”

Your breath hitched, tensing at the words. You looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to you. You shifted, warmth spreading over your cheeks. You didn’t dare turn and look at Bucky, knowing it would only make your current predicament worse. Fuck him for saying something like that in the situation you were in.

There were voices in the hall, before the door was opened by Billy Russo. The Governor moved in, followed by the journalist who was supposed to be interviewing him. Your face blanked, body straightening. Work time.

…………….

Bucky wasn’t home when you got there that night, making you sigh and kick off your heels. There was a minor headache forming, and you trudged towards the kitchen. The water bottle was cool under your heated palms, making you sigh. You gulped half of it down in one go, capping the rest and placing it back in the fridge.

It was almost 9pm, and you pursed your lips. You were later than you had anticipated. The Governor had insisted ANVIL drop him off at his home, all the way inside and scan the parameter to make sure it was safe. He was paranoid for no reason, and it annoyed the shit out of you. Russo complied though. The Governor was paying an outrageous amount of money, after all. You had walked all around the huge mansion at least twice before you left, feeling weary to the bone and just wanting to be with your fiancé.

His promise from earlier that day still lurked on your mind. How could it not? Despite having been with Bucky for two years now, his words still lit a fire in you that only he could put out. It didn’t matter if you were tired. Not for him. Never for him.

It didn’t seem to matter anymore, though. He wasn’t home, meaning he would probably work late. You leaned your hip against the counter, checking your phone to see if he’d left a message. He hadn’t.

You wondered if you should call, tapping your phone against your chin. You perked up when you heard a key jiggling in the front door before it opened and closed. Bucky’s tall frame filled the kitchen doorway as you turned around, smiling at him.

“Hey you.” You greeted as he walked closer, leaning down to capture your lips in his. You sighed in his mouth, feeling the tension in your muscles gradually roll away. Another feat only Bucky could accomplish. His hands met the small of your back under your suit jacket, digging into your waist. You were already panting against his lips, realizing he wasn’t going to take this slow.

“You have any idea how you looked,” he mumbled. “when you walked into that room?” His lips moved down to kiss and suck on the skin of your neck. You leaned your head back, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. “Tight suit and those fucking heels. My girl looked so badass.” His hands traveled down to cup your ass, squeezing it and making you gasp. Your back arched into his body, relishing the contact.

“Bucky,” you managed to choke out. “Bedroom.”

His body vibrated when he chuckled, not loosening his grip on you. “Oh  _no_ , doll. No bedroom. I’m gonna take you right here, right now. Gonna bend you over the table and fuck you  _raw._ ”

You whined at the words, pressing your thighs together at the familiar pang in your lower stomach. You clenched around emptiness, hands scrambling to find purchase on any part of Bucky’s body. He reveled in the desperation that rolled off you in waves, pushing you backwards until your ass dug further into the marble countertop. He didn’t loosen his grip on you, teeth having chosen a spot on your neck to assault. He was marking his territory, and the thought turned you on further. His hands gripped you tight, not letting you move. You knew what he was doing. He was taking complete control. He wasn’t in the mood for teasing you, he wanted to make you a moaning, writhing mess under him. He would take you, fast and hard, making you come until you saw stars.

His hands tugged at your suit jacket, making you hurry to shrug it off. His metal hand fisted the white button up underneath, a ripping sound filling your ears when he pulled at it. You didn’t give a crap about it being ruined. All you cared about was Bucky, his scent enveloping you completely, his breaths coming quick, heavy and hot against your skin. His touch was everywhere, to the point where you couldn’t make out which hand was where. All you could think of was how  _good_  it felt, trails of fire ignited on your body, moving and rubbing against his own.

Cool air hit your breasts as your bra fell off in one skilled flick of Bucky’s hand, gasping when he lifted you up to place you on the table. He settled between your open legs, one hand spreading over your torso and pushing you down until your back was flat against the surface. Your pants were next to go, panties pulled down along with them. There you lay, bare and breathless, ready for his touch, his kiss,  _anything_  that could take the edge off.

He didn’t tease, he didn’t pause. The next minute, two long, thick fingers were pushing past your barrier, your back arching the further they went. He was moving them before you even caught your breath, and suddenly, it was all you felt. The weight of them, moving, caressing, rubbing, a thumb against your clit.

When they disappeared, you whined at the loss, vision blurred by your inability to focus. Then, something cold was pressing against you, cold and hard and so fucking  _amazing_. It was familiar, it was his metal hand, the small ticking noises as the plates whirred and clicked into place, moving so fast, so hard, that you couldn’t stop your back from arching, lips falling open in an obscene scream as you reached your climax.

Breaths were labored, legs twitching and trembling as two hands, one hard and the other soft, pulled at your hips enough to spin you around so your front was against the counter. Your cheek pressed against the countertop, the cold invading your flushed face. You were still reeling from the intensity of your orgasm, the first of many, you could tell. Bucky was in  _that_ mood, and you could already feel yourself tensing in anticipation, in excitement for what was to come.

His hand moved over the curve of your ass, running up your bare back, spine tingling at the feeling. His clothed hips pressed against yours, still fully dressed.

“If only they could see you now,” he cooed. His voice sounded low, wrecked, as if he was the one that had just been fingered into oblivion. “So powerful in that room. So in control, but so….  _pliant_ ….. under me.”

You whined, pushing your ass back towards him. Your core stirred again, not yet satiated. You wanted more, you wanted  _him_ , all of him.

“What do you want?”

This was his favorite game. Making you talk to him. Making you tell him what you craved. Because as soon as you did, he would give it to you, ten times better than you could ever describe. Your body twitched, knowing you would get exactly what you wanted. His hands were still running over your back, your ass, your thighs.

“You.” Your voice was hoarse. “Want your cock. Want you to fuck me. Please. I want to cum.”

“Again?” Bucky hummed. You could hear his belt unbuckling, the clank of metal hitting the marble floor. You tensed in anticipation when his leg moved to separate your thighs. You complied immediately, hands curling around the edge of the counter as your legs moved, ass pushing up further.

“So beautiful.” He whispered, hands returning to your body. You gasped when he slid between your folds, hot and wet. Throbbing. Ready. You bucked your hips again.

“You’re going to come three times.” His words were firm. It was an order. These were instructions. “You’re not going to stop your pretty little moans. Let the whole building hear you. You’re going to stay like this and take what I give you.”

You nodded vigorously. Hell yeah you were going to come three times. Maybe even more, with how wound up you were.

Then he slid into you, all of his thick, hard, glorious self, splitting you open until your eyes rolled up in your head, back arching at the feeling. He was moving before you could adjust, fast and hard, all caution thrown into the wind. Your hands slid against the counter, trying to find something, anything, to anchor you. Your moans were borderline pornographic, eyes squeezed shut as your second orgasm hit you, forehead pressing hard against the table. You rode it out the best you could, hips moving back into Bucky. Still hungry. Still greedy.

He didn’t let up, grabbing your hips in a bruising grip. You could hear his struggling breaths, his intermittent groans, could feel his arousal in his desperate thrusts, could sense his desire when he pushed your thigh up on the table, an angle that pushed him even deeper inside you and made you scream as you came again.

Tears were rolling down your cheeks, breaths coming in gasps and cries. Bucky pressed a hand to the small of your back, holding you in place when you tried to squirm away. It was too much. You were too sensitive. Without warning, your fourth orgasm washed over you, body writhing and jerking, followed quickly with Bucky stilling behind you, a long, low moan leaving his lips as he finally came.

It was too hard to breathe, and you felt pretty much numb when you were lifted off the table into strong arms. Everything was hazy and slow. Your body still spasmed, still trying to catch up to all it had endured. Next thing you knew, your back was meeting soft sheets, lips pressing small kisses to your arms, neck, cheeks, any place they could find. Your eyes opened to meet Bucky’s, smiling at him.

“You were very riled up tonight, weren’t you?” You whispered, not having the strength to speak any louder.

Bucky shrugged, running a hand through his hair. A smirk played on his face. He was definitely proud of himself right now. You turned so your head rested on his chest, feeling his heartbeat slow as the minutes passed.

“How come you don’t wear those suits often?” His reply was a question, making you grin. “You look phenomenal in them.”

“If I had known this was the reaction I was going to get, I would have worn them a long damn time ago.” You mumbled.

Bucky shifted a bit so he could get his hands on a blanket, pulling it over your naked bodies.

“Well, you know what to do now.”

You giggled, nodding. Your fingers traced a pattern on his bare chest. Bucky hummed a bit, turning to you.

“You’re so amazing.” He whispered. “I love you so much.”

You bit your lip to hide your smile. Bucky continued talking before you could reply.

“I still remember 24 year old me. Young and ambitious and ready to go out into the world and change it for the better.” He smiled, nostalgia shining in his eyes. “I remember being presented with the undercover assignment, and I was so quick to jump on it and say yes. And then, as quick as I agreed, I started having doubts. I didn’t know what would happen. If I would live or die. If I would fail or succeed. And then,” he turned his head to meet your eyes, silver hand reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “then I met you. And suddenly, you were everything. I remember holding you every night, sleeping on that tiny, shitty mattress in the newbie room-” you giggled at the name. “-wondering how long I would be this happy. I used to wish, all day, that I could hold you and kiss you without worrying when one of us might die. That I’d wake you up in the morning with kisses and a spectacular breakfast I would make myself.” He grinned. “And we’d shower and change and go off to work.”

“I never thought I’d have that. But suddenly I did. And then just as suddenly, it was gone. It was gone for thirteen years and I spent all that time living with the ghost of a memory. Now, I have all of that again. And for the first time in a very long time, I’m not scared of losing it.”

Tears were rolling down your cheeks at his point. Your chin rested against Bucky’s chest, looking up at him. You reached a hand up, caressing his jaw and carding your fingers through his hair.

“I want everything with you.” You sniffled. “I want to work with you, and eat with you, and laugh with you, and have kids with you. I’m never letting you go. Ever. I love you too much.”

Bucky smiled. “I love you too much, too.”

You let out a wet laugh, leaning up until your lips met his, reveling in the feeling. But it didn’t last long, you were smiling too wide. You dissolved into giggles, both of you, warm bodies pressed to each other, relaxed and tranquil, feeling at home in each others’ arms, falling asleep shortly after while New York carried on, millions of tiny lights outside your window, people moving around in the streets below, unaware of the two hearts inside beating in sync, falling into a peaceful slumber in the City That Never Sleeps.


End file.
